Please check out my new project IoTA (eye O ta). It is a Podcast about the Internet of Things with a focus on Atlanta. Me? Podcast? Sure, why not. There is so much news on a daily basis about IoT and I'm completely fascinated by this new technology. The next several weeks should be entertaining as I figure this whole podcasting thing out. You should come see just for the grins. Also, I welcome any feedback because as any good Scout will tell you, "Feedback is a gift!"
For more information, check out iota.tonamok.com.
Monday, July 18, 2016
Wednesday, March 2, 2016
Wanted: CTO/Developer/Master of ALL
CROSS POSTING FROM http://www.cxolabs.net
I’m not exactly sure when the trend started, likely as an offshoot of the first Pre-Bubble Technology Startups being headed by an actual CTO who was tired of the corporate life. Regardless, you can’t blink today without some Startup advertising for a Jack of All Trades CTO. The following is from a job posted just last week:
I’m not exactly sure when the trend started, likely as an offshoot of the first Pre-Bubble Technology Startups being headed by an actual CTO who was tired of the corporate life. Regardless, you can’t blink today without some Startup advertising for a Jack of All Trades CTO. The following is from a job posted just last week:
“We are seeking a player coach. Someone who can bring individual contribution while raising up and building a team. Individual contribution is essential by being a strong MS developer / architect. We also need someone who enjoys being in front of clients, having a seat at the management table, and is willing to place a bet on the future success of the entire organization.”
This reminds me of the time that my friend tried to save money when building his house. Instead of hiring an expensive General Contractor to run the construction, he instead found a talented carpenter to do it all. And while the guy knew his way with a hammer, he struggled with everything else. Instead of bringing in an Architect to design the house, he found some plans on the internet and used those. When clearing the lot, he accidentally dug up the water line for the entire neighborhood. The concrete foundation wasn’t exactly level, but he figured he could just take care of that with the framing. And while he was an absolute genius putting up the walls, he forgot to wire and plumb the house before he put the sheetrock up. Worst case of all, he forgot to get permits for anything and when the inspector finally showed up, he condemned the house and forced my friend to tear it down and start over.
It seemed like a smart move for my buddy. He got his house built for less than half of if he had gone the more expensive route. Unfortunately, he now has to pay double what it would have cost him in the first place. Half to build, half to tear it down, and then a whole to build it as it should have been built in the first place.
The point of this obviously fictional story is that a single person is not necessarily the best investment to solve all of the problems for a Startup, or for any other company for that matter. Hiring a person to be a CTO, Architect, Database Administrator, Systems Administrator, Security Expert, UX/UI Designer, Web developer, Back End Programmer, Sales Engineer, Mentor, Coach, Project Manager, etc. isn’t the best use of what limited money a Startup may have.
Before we discuss the solution, let’s examine the real problem in some detail: Startups have limited resources and are trying to maximize their return with as little a commitment as they can. Those without a Technical Cofounder (and many with) need someone who can set the technical direction of the company. But at the same time they need someone to do the coding as well. Preferably, this person can also help raise funds with investors. Regardless, in a Startup, there are lots of hats to be worn.
So, the Startup has a need for Technology. Searching for someone who can fill that role is often a frustrating endeavor even to those of us with years of experience doing it. Finding just one person to fill one of the multiple roles needed can take significant time. And Technical Startups have several roles at a minimum that they need to fill. They need someone to develop/create the software, someone to set the direction (roadmap) for that software, someone to maintain and support that software, and someone to deploy/host that software. That’s at a minimum. Add a few customers and then you’ll add Customer Support and Quality Assurance to that list, not to mention security and reliability. It is an impossible point for a Startup to be. They need a small army of people to fill roles that will at best be part-time until they pick up some momentum. So instead they look to find a single person with all of those needs.
That tactic just isn’t realistic. The likelihood that a Startup with find an Idiot Savant with all of those skills is like winning the lottery. Twice. So, most Startup’s settle, usually finding a talented software developer and throw the title their way, hoping that the person will grow into it. And while this has happened before, it is a rarity. Have you purchased your PowerBall ticket yet? The good news is that Startups have the right general idea - the most important hire that they will make is the CTO. Let’s discuss that a little.
A Chief Technology Officer or a Chief Information Officer, or whatever variation on that title you chose, isn’t someone with 3-5 years of coding experience and a nice smile. A Technology Executive is someone who has spent the better part of their lives learning everything they could about technology. To become Chief, they have spent countless hours doing their particular flavor of Technology (Coding, Infrastructure, Security, etc.) and have dabbled in all of the other forms of Technology. The evolution from doer to thinker always includes a full suite of non-technical skills. Technical knowledge isn’t enough, good Chief’s have the ability to manage people and teams, and serve as both personal and professional mentors, and have the ability to easily communicate with the most technical of personnel as well as the most non-technical customer or investor. And most importantly, a Chief must absolutely have the ability to see the big picture and see how all parts of it fit together: people, process, and technology.
Any CTO must be a problem solver. While that person may not be able to roll up their sleeves and code away the problem, they are extremely adept at knowing how to solve the problem, and perhaps more importantly, who can solve the problem. A resourceful CTO is worth their weight in gold as they can eliminate problems before they get out of hand. While most developers/admins tend to be myopically focused on specific problems they are not equipped to see the forest and can only see the trees. CTO’s use that singular focus from their team members to solve problems while simultaneously preparing to solve the next problem that comes up. A developer turned CTO rarely has that skill.
The downside of all of this experience that is needed by a Startup is that it gets expensive quick. The median salary for a CTO in Atlanta, GA (according to Salary.com) is $211,666 and that isn’t including the extra benefits that are typically afforded to the top Technology Executive. Following my previous logic of needing several roles for a Startup to get going, that would mean that a Startup would need easily over half a million dollars to just get started. That is a deal killer and perhaps the real reason why Startups look for the proverbial Unicorn.
So what Startups do is convince a young up and coming programmer to take a much lower salary in exchange for the “CTO” title. Startups are about risk, and they understand that this person may not be who they need to get them to the growth stage, but it is what they need to just get started.
So understanding the problem should help us solve it. A Startup needs several highly focused roles, but can’t afford to pay for several people to do the work. The solution is actually quite simple and almost always overlooked. What Startups need are a part-time CTO. While I’m quick to point out that part time programmers usually don’t work, part-time CTO’s work well. Whereas a part time Programmer often struggles splitting their time between projects (not all of them, I know some superstar consultants who do this in their sleep), a part-time CTO is already a master at splitting their time among the most important needs in their professional life. Frankly, most Startups really only need a CTO for a few hours a week.
A part-time CTO can help set the direction of the software and create the Product Roadmap. They should have a large network of software programmers, system administrators, etc. and can help identify personnel needs quickly and help to identify the right person for the right job. They should be able to keep the development on track and should be able to identify processes to streamline the deployment, maintenance and support of the software. And they should be able to do this while saving the Startup money since they are only working when needed. This allows the Startup to find other full time resources at a more manageable rate and allows them to focus on the job at hand instead of being unfocused on all issues. It’s a Win-Win for Startups.
Now obviously, there are always individuals who break the stereotype. I know that there is a hands on CTO out there that loves to write and deploy code while dealing with customers and working on elevator pitches, and who is willing to do it all for little to no money. And while you search for this person just keep buying lottery tickets. Or find a part-time CTO and get started today!
Tuesday, August 11, 2015
Every new beginning, comes from some other beginnings end
For as long as I've known him, he has made me cry. From the first moment when I laid eyes on him, seeing his tiny face looking back at me, I was a blubbering mess sitting in the hallway. I cried when he graduated from Pre-K, and again when he graduated from Elementary School. His final walk down the halls of Shelton Elementary was one of the hardest moments that I experienced. But not as hard as it was to see him cross over from Webelos to Boy Scouts as I wept openly in front of a crowded room as I conducted the ceremony. The boy had always filled my heart with pride and joy at seeing my son grow up.
But I didn't cry when he graduated High School back in May. I thought that I would. I was certain that I wouldn't be able to contain it. But I did. I'm not sure why, what had changed in all the years. Was it that in his growing up, that I too had grown beyond that? Was my pride any less? No, if anything I was more proud of him than I had ever been before.
I won't hide from the fact that the past 4 years have been tough on us, on our relationship. I never wanted to be that father that pushed his son so hard that he pushed his son away. But I saw more in him that he saw in himself and it bothered me that he wouldn't act on it. I'm not sure that it was any different for my father when I was that age, but I certainly didn't remember it that way. Regardless, I know he resented me for it. His girlfriend felt that I was being mean to him and unreasonable. Maybe I was, I just wanted him to be the best person he could be, and his High School years left me wondering. Maybe I just wanted too much.
But then a peculiar thing happened. The boy turned into a man before my eyes. Suddenly, he was worried about his future, about if he would make it through school, and what he would do if he made it. How would he survive? What job would he have? What if he failed? Our talks became less about me pushing him to do better and more to reassure him that he would be fine, telling him of my own failures and struggles as a young man, connecting in ways that we hadn't in years. And he surprised me yet again. Although he took it on about as late as you possibly can, he suddenly decided that he was indeed going to earn his Eagle. With literally 2 weeks to go before he left for college, he started his project in ernest. He finalized his project yesterday, only hours before he began the 3 hour trek to his new life.
We set out early this morning to Columbus State University, just 30 short miles from where I completed a similar trek some 30 years ago. His sister rode with him, she was taking this transition hard. His mother rode with me, struggling to maintain composure all the while. She commented that watching him drive there reminded her of when he was two, pushing a little blue car around our backyard chanting "outside, outside, outside". It was hard not to break.
But I persevered. We arrived, moved him in, got everything settled, and broke for dinner. Everyone at the table was dreading the end, eating slowly and savoring the last few moments before the boy became a man. The walk back to the dorm was delayed as much as possible with plenty of photo's to take the time. And then, it was over, hugs before the trip. As I shook his hand I pulled him in and whispered in his ear. "I'm VERY proud of you" I told him. To our credit neither of us broke, and he smiled and thanked me.
The ride home was long and painful. The girls cried, and reassured each other it was going to be ok. I thought about this blog and what I wanted to say to him. We were almost home when the song by Wiz Khalifa came on Pandora. It was the same song that they played at his graduation only a few short months ago. I think she sensed what I was about to do, and with 3 simple words my dam burst. "Don't change it", Laura said. And with that I could no longer hold back the tears. With the words, "It's been a long day without you my friend, and I'll tell you all about it when I see you again" I began to cry. I cried for all the joy and pride that the boy has brought me, and I cried for the man he is becoming. I still cry now as I type this knowing that a scared, but eager and excited young man is starting his next great adventure. And I cry because I'm so very proud of him, but I'm scared, but eager and excited for him as well. Daddy doesn't make the decisions now, its time for the man to take charge.
And like the song from Semisonic says, "Every New Beginning comes from some other Beginnings End." Cheers Charlie! Know that I'm very proud of you and know that I'll always be here for you, even though the decisions are now yours to make.
Now if you'll pardon me, I'm not done crying.
But I didn't cry when he graduated High School back in May. I thought that I would. I was certain that I wouldn't be able to contain it. But I did. I'm not sure why, what had changed in all the years. Was it that in his growing up, that I too had grown beyond that? Was my pride any less? No, if anything I was more proud of him than I had ever been before.
I won't hide from the fact that the past 4 years have been tough on us, on our relationship. I never wanted to be that father that pushed his son so hard that he pushed his son away. But I saw more in him that he saw in himself and it bothered me that he wouldn't act on it. I'm not sure that it was any different for my father when I was that age, but I certainly didn't remember it that way. Regardless, I know he resented me for it. His girlfriend felt that I was being mean to him and unreasonable. Maybe I was, I just wanted him to be the best person he could be, and his High School years left me wondering. Maybe I just wanted too much.
But then a peculiar thing happened. The boy turned into a man before my eyes. Suddenly, he was worried about his future, about if he would make it through school, and what he would do if he made it. How would he survive? What job would he have? What if he failed? Our talks became less about me pushing him to do better and more to reassure him that he would be fine, telling him of my own failures and struggles as a young man, connecting in ways that we hadn't in years. And he surprised me yet again. Although he took it on about as late as you possibly can, he suddenly decided that he was indeed going to earn his Eagle. With literally 2 weeks to go before he left for college, he started his project in ernest. He finalized his project yesterday, only hours before he began the 3 hour trek to his new life.
We set out early this morning to Columbus State University, just 30 short miles from where I completed a similar trek some 30 years ago. His sister rode with him, she was taking this transition hard. His mother rode with me, struggling to maintain composure all the while. She commented that watching him drive there reminded her of when he was two, pushing a little blue car around our backyard chanting "outside, outside, outside". It was hard not to break.
But I persevered. We arrived, moved him in, got everything settled, and broke for dinner. Everyone at the table was dreading the end, eating slowly and savoring the last few moments before the boy became a man. The walk back to the dorm was delayed as much as possible with plenty of photo's to take the time. And then, it was over, hugs before the trip. As I shook his hand I pulled him in and whispered in his ear. "I'm VERY proud of you" I told him. To our credit neither of us broke, and he smiled and thanked me.
The ride home was long and painful. The girls cried, and reassured each other it was going to be ok. I thought about this blog and what I wanted to say to him. We were almost home when the song by Wiz Khalifa came on Pandora. It was the same song that they played at his graduation only a few short months ago. I think she sensed what I was about to do, and with 3 simple words my dam burst. "Don't change it", Laura said. And with that I could no longer hold back the tears. With the words, "It's been a long day without you my friend, and I'll tell you all about it when I see you again" I began to cry. I cried for all the joy and pride that the boy has brought me, and I cried for the man he is becoming. I still cry now as I type this knowing that a scared, but eager and excited young man is starting his next great adventure. And I cry because I'm so very proud of him, but I'm scared, but eager and excited for him as well. Daddy doesn't make the decisions now, its time for the man to take charge.
And like the song from Semisonic says, "Every New Beginning comes from some other Beginnings End." Cheers Charlie! Know that I'm very proud of you and know that I'll always be here for you, even though the decisions are now yours to make.
Now if you'll pardon me, I'm not done crying.
Thursday, May 15, 2014
Press Release: Red Tree Labs and Walque begin work on dual-use mobile application as part of Red Tree Labs’ “Startup as a Service” program
Atlanta, Georgia, May 15, 2014 -- Red Tree Labs began work on a unique mobile application which will help users of the app to become less sedentary, while simultaneously delivering targeted savings to them as they enter “areas of commerce”. These areas of commerce range from big-box retailers to city shopping districts, malls, outlet centers and large foot print retail centers. Thus, Walque creates both a wellness solution for employers and a platform for marketers. Initially, development will focus on the Android platform, with future releases targeting iOS and Windows 8.
Matt Sander, CEO of Walque LLC describes the project as, “...one of the most unique opportunities in decades. Red Tree positions us to reach MVP at a substantially increased rate, yet minimize cash burn. Their augmentation to our team will result in a much more robust product for our users sooner, rather than later”.
Red Tree Labs is a Silver Sponsor and Blue Chip Technology Advisor to the Ritz Group, the premier networking group connecting Entrepreneurs and Investors in Atlanta. Mr Sander, as a member of the Ritz Group, discovered Red Tree Labs and learned about their “Startup as a Service” program. “Its great to see a developer willing to share the risk with us – it was a deciding factor in our selection of Red Tree Labs as a partner”.
Having seen similar software applications, Tony Lynn, Chief Startup Officer at Red Tree Labs was intrigued with Walque’s solution. “Walque has found an area of convergence between two multi-billion dollar industries which will dramatically and positively affect how each interacts with users. I have not seen that attempted before – the interdependency of the two driving use of the one.” Mr. Lynn went on to say “Adding Walque to our ‘Startup as a Service’ program allows them maximum resources for their money, giving them the runway they need to get to their minimum viable product (MVP). This also allows us to become an integral part of their team, a partner they can rely on.”
When asked to explain “Startup as a Service” in more detail, Tony continues “Startup as a Service” allows startups to extend the reach of cash in the early development stages; providing a method to maintain equity distribution with dilution. Some development investments are deferred initially, and at a later date the startup can decide how those expenses are settled: either in cash, equity, or a combination of both. Frankly, it’s a Win-Win for all parties.”
Walque’s development will continue throughout the summer, with an expected MVP and alpha pilot slated for August 2014. Walque has identified several smaller companies who want to be part of a transformative opportunity, but is always looking for additional participants. For more information visit http://www.walque.com.
About Red Tree Labs
Red Tree Labs is an International full service Software Development/IT Services consultancy located in Atlanta, GA. Although software services run the gamut of: C#, Java, Objective C, PHP, Ruby on Rails, AngularJS, EmberJS, NodeJS, and HTML; the core of work is focused on iOS and Android development. Red Tree Labs is very active in the Startup community of Atlanta and the Southeastern US with their “Startup As A Service” program which brings technology consulting and mentoring to Startups when needed. For more information visit http://www.redtreelabs.com.
About Walque LLC.
Walque leverages the needs of two unrelated multi-billion dollar industries to drive consumer engagement in both a wellness application and an in-store marketing platform driven by rewards and incentives from multiple stakeholders; when combined deliver a value proposition for the user greater than the two industries would be able to deliver separated. Users engage Walque’s patent-pending system while in “areas of commerce” which included big-bix, local, mall and outlet locations. What Waze did for crowdsourcing traffic navigation, Walque will do for in-store targeted direct marketing and deal delivery.
Contact:
Tony Lynn
tony@redtreelabs.com
Matt Sander
matt@walque.com
Matt Sander, CEO of Walque LLC describes the project as, “...one of the most unique opportunities in decades. Red Tree positions us to reach MVP at a substantially increased rate, yet minimize cash burn. Their augmentation to our team will result in a much more robust product for our users sooner, rather than later”.
Red Tree Labs is a Silver Sponsor and Blue Chip Technology Advisor to the Ritz Group, the premier networking group connecting Entrepreneurs and Investors in Atlanta. Mr Sander, as a member of the Ritz Group, discovered Red Tree Labs and learned about their “Startup as a Service” program. “Its great to see a developer willing to share the risk with us – it was a deciding factor in our selection of Red Tree Labs as a partner”.
Having seen similar software applications, Tony Lynn, Chief Startup Officer at Red Tree Labs was intrigued with Walque’s solution. “Walque has found an area of convergence between two multi-billion dollar industries which will dramatically and positively affect how each interacts with users. I have not seen that attempted before – the interdependency of the two driving use of the one.” Mr. Lynn went on to say “Adding Walque to our ‘Startup as a Service’ program allows them maximum resources for their money, giving them the runway they need to get to their minimum viable product (MVP). This also allows us to become an integral part of their team, a partner they can rely on.”
When asked to explain “Startup as a Service” in more detail, Tony continues “Startup as a Service” allows startups to extend the reach of cash in the early development stages; providing a method to maintain equity distribution with dilution. Some development investments are deferred initially, and at a later date the startup can decide how those expenses are settled: either in cash, equity, or a combination of both. Frankly, it’s a Win-Win for all parties.”
Walque’s development will continue throughout the summer, with an expected MVP and alpha pilot slated for August 2014. Walque has identified several smaller companies who want to be part of a transformative opportunity, but is always looking for additional participants. For more information visit http://www.walque.com.
About Red Tree Labs
Red Tree Labs is an International full service Software Development/IT Services consultancy located in Atlanta, GA. Although software services run the gamut of: C#, Java, Objective C, PHP, Ruby on Rails, AngularJS, EmberJS, NodeJS, and HTML; the core of work is focused on iOS and Android development. Red Tree Labs is very active in the Startup community of Atlanta and the Southeastern US with their “Startup As A Service” program which brings technology consulting and mentoring to Startups when needed. For more information visit http://www.redtreelabs.com.
About Walque LLC.
Walque leverages the needs of two unrelated multi-billion dollar industries to drive consumer engagement in both a wellness application and an in-store marketing platform driven by rewards and incentives from multiple stakeholders; when combined deliver a value proposition for the user greater than the two industries would be able to deliver separated. Users engage Walque’s patent-pending system while in “areas of commerce” which included big-bix, local, mall and outlet locations. What Waze did for crowdsourcing traffic navigation, Walque will do for in-store targeted direct marketing and deal delivery.
Contact:
Tony Lynn
tony@redtreelabs.com
Matt Sander
matt@walque.com
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Lacrosse Statistics
Check out LaxStats a real time Lacrosse statistics package. Get full stats moments after the game is complete. Follow your career from U9 to the Pros!
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
To my Beautiful Bride
15 years ago today was the happiest day of my life. I awoke nervous and anxious. My buddy Sal came over to the house to help me through the day. When it was time we left and drove to the country club where all of my friends and family gathered to witness if I would actually go through with it. I was more than happy to do so. My cousin Paul and I had a pact that neither of us would get married until we were 30, and I happily broke that pact that evening for even stronger vows; those that would last a life time.
I met the love of my life on April 14th of the previous year. It was a Friday night and all of my friends were meeting at Seville Quarter to hang out. Those that knew me in High School would not recognize the shy introverted boy they once knew. I was confident and cocky and very happy being me. Honestly, I wasn't looking for a relationship. But when she came up to the bar, I was captivated. She was warm and engaging and the smile that was framed by her auburn hair caught my attention. Seriously caught my attention. As we talked she asked my what my hair looked like out of the pony tail i was wearing, so I showed her. I guess I thought that I was cool sporting that late 90's mullet. Whatever. It started the journey. She sang with Rick Holt that night further cementing my desire for her. I can't quite explain it, but she seemed perfect for me.
After that, we were inseparable. We talked on the phone all week and spent the entire weekend together. She taught me how to eat sushi, and I taught her that libraries can be any size. It was in the summer that I was sure of my attachement to her and on a trip to Atlanta I gauged her interest. We had spent the day rafting down the Chattahoochee with her good friends Joe and Denise (a trip which she spent half the day hurling into the river). We were driving home when I asked, "Hypothetically, if I were to ask you to marry me, what would you say."
"Hypothetically? Hypothetically, I would say yes." Ok so I chickened out a little bit, but I did have my answer. Now to do it right. But that would take some planning.
I did all of the traditional things, I talked to her father Nunzio (whom we all still miss) and with his help planned a Christmas engagement. We were going to visit her family in New York for Christmas and he would take us into the city. At the tree in Rockefeller Plaza I would drop the question. Months of planning went into this. The night before we left, I took her to St. Anne's Catholic church in Pensacola to see the lights. I was nervous about taking the ring on the plane and walking through the city. What if I got mugged?!? Suddenly the moment struck me, and just outside the chapel doors where there is an alcove, I dropped to one knee and officially asked, "Will you marry me?" Her dad was mad that I did it when he wasn't there, but I think he forgave me.
Then the planning began. Finally on Sept 14, 1996 it all came together.
"Laura Rose Rossi, do you take this man to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."
"I Do!"
"Charles Anthony Lynn, do you take this woman to have and to hold, from this day forward.."
"I Do!"
"Hold on. For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."
"I Do!"
I won't lie, marriage isn't easy. You have to work at it. There are times when you feel slighted or under-appreciated, and you just have to think that your partner has had those same feelings. Everything takes work. I don't regret a moment of the last 15 years. 2 cities, 3 moves, 4 houses, 15 jobs, 7 cats, 4 rats, 1 dog, 1 rabbit, 1 turtle, and 3 of the most beautiful children one could ask for.
I would thank her for a full life, but I know that there is much more to come. Instead, I'll just thank her for all that ever was, is, and forever will be. Laura, Happy Anniversary, I love you more than life itself. I eagerly look forward to the next 15 and beyond. You are and will always be my Smart, Sweet, Sexy Princess (Queen).
I met the love of my life on April 14th of the previous year. It was a Friday night and all of my friends were meeting at Seville Quarter to hang out. Those that knew me in High School would not recognize the shy introverted boy they once knew. I was confident and cocky and very happy being me. Honestly, I wasn't looking for a relationship. But when she came up to the bar, I was captivated. She was warm and engaging and the smile that was framed by her auburn hair caught my attention. Seriously caught my attention. As we talked she asked my what my hair looked like out of the pony tail i was wearing, so I showed her. I guess I thought that I was cool sporting that late 90's mullet. Whatever. It started the journey. She sang with Rick Holt that night further cementing my desire for her. I can't quite explain it, but she seemed perfect for me.
After that, we were inseparable. We talked on the phone all week and spent the entire weekend together. She taught me how to eat sushi, and I taught her that libraries can be any size. It was in the summer that I was sure of my attachement to her and on a trip to Atlanta I gauged her interest. We had spent the day rafting down the Chattahoochee with her good friends Joe and Denise (a trip which she spent half the day hurling into the river). We were driving home when I asked, "Hypothetically, if I were to ask you to marry me, what would you say."
"Hypothetically? Hypothetically, I would say yes." Ok so I chickened out a little bit, but I did have my answer. Now to do it right. But that would take some planning.
I did all of the traditional things, I talked to her father Nunzio (whom we all still miss) and with his help planned a Christmas engagement. We were going to visit her family in New York for Christmas and he would take us into the city. At the tree in Rockefeller Plaza I would drop the question. Months of planning went into this. The night before we left, I took her to St. Anne's Catholic church in Pensacola to see the lights. I was nervous about taking the ring on the plane and walking through the city. What if I got mugged?!? Suddenly the moment struck me, and just outside the chapel doors where there is an alcove, I dropped to one knee and officially asked, "Will you marry me?" Her dad was mad that I did it when he wasn't there, but I think he forgave me.
Then the planning began. Finally on Sept 14, 1996 it all came together.
"Laura Rose Rossi, do you take this man to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."
"I Do!"
"Charles Anthony Lynn, do you take this woman to have and to hold, from this day forward.."
"I Do!"
"Hold on. For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."
"I Do!"
I won't lie, marriage isn't easy. You have to work at it. There are times when you feel slighted or under-appreciated, and you just have to think that your partner has had those same feelings. Everything takes work. I don't regret a moment of the last 15 years. 2 cities, 3 moves, 4 houses, 15 jobs, 7 cats, 4 rats, 1 dog, 1 rabbit, 1 turtle, and 3 of the most beautiful children one could ask for.
I would thank her for a full life, but I know that there is much more to come. Instead, I'll just thank her for all that ever was, is, and forever will be. Laura, Happy Anniversary, I love you more than life itself. I eagerly look forward to the next 15 and beyond. You are and will always be my Smart, Sweet, Sexy Princess (Queen).
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Merry Christmas all you Sugar Less Auburn Fans
I was looking through some of my high school stuff the other day and saw something that disturbed me. It was the Christmas version of our school newspaper, the "Jacket Racket". In the dedication section there was a post from me. "Merry Christmas all you Sugar-less Auburn fans." WTF you say? Let me explain.
November 1985, found me a Senior in High School. And an Alabama Fan. It's true, I won't deny it. I grew up surrounded by Bama fans. My Grandfather, my Father, and most of all of my relatives were Alabama fans. Only my Aunt and Uncle (and their kids) were Auburn fans. My cousin Paul was a Freshman going to Auburn University that year. Alabama was coming into the Iron Bowl that year at 7-2-1 and Auburn was 8-2 and #7 in the land. Bo Jackson was tearing up the field for Auburn and would eventually win the Heisman Trophy that year. I was in the middle of trying to determine the college I would attend (My preferences were MIT, GA Tech, and then somewhere in state), and my cousin had a spare student ticket for the Iron Bowl that year.
What a game that was! Back and forth the score went until the final seconds Van Tiffen kicked the game winner into the Auburn Student section to give Alabama the win 25-23. I thought that I would get killed that day as I yelled and screamed and then realized that I was in the wrong student section. Fortunately I lived.
I went on to post my hateful message, thinking nothing of it. I wasn't planning on going to school there or anything...
Then life happened. MIT didn't want me. Georgia Tech would take me, but it was way too expensive being out of state. The big U recruited me, but it too was out of state and although I love Miami (the city not the University) I just couldn't afford to go. Troy State (then, now just Troy University) offered me a full boat, but me being a pretentious prick couldn't see going there at all. That left Alabama or Auburn. Easy decision right?
I went to Tuscaloosa for a weekend retreat for potential freshmen. It was a lot of fun with the people who were there with me. But the campus as a whole seemed alien and hostile. In fact, more than once I was treated poorly and that really left me feeling like I didn't belong. I was told, quite frankly, that if I wasn't part of the Greek system then I shouldn't bother attending. Hell for that kind of money, I could have went to Miami.
Auburn at least had a strong Engineering program. I held down my bile and went for a similar weekend visit.
And found a home.
For those that have experienced Auburn, you understand what I mean without having to explain it. For those that haven't, its like being surrounded by your family. It's comfortable and comforting. It's like finding the woman that you intend to spend the rest of your life with. It's like holding your new born child. It's like gorging on Thanksgiving turkey and fading to sleep while the game plays in the background.
The people I met that weekend made me feel so at home that I made my decision to go to school there that weekend. I've never regretted that decision.
Now with 3 children, I try to carry them to at least one game a year (depending on finances). They all would love to go to school there, but they won't because its now out of state for me. Regardless, they'll always call Auburn home as well.
And since then i"ve been all Auburn all the time. Tonight during the SEC championship game I had a moment of redemption. Auburn kicked ass and is heading to the National Championship game.
So i just have to say. Merry Christmas all you sugarless Auburn Fans. Beat Oregon!
I have to admit, i can't stop crying. War Dam... er Cam.. Eagle...
November 1985, found me a Senior in High School. And an Alabama Fan. It's true, I won't deny it. I grew up surrounded by Bama fans. My Grandfather, my Father, and most of all of my relatives were Alabama fans. Only my Aunt and Uncle (and their kids) were Auburn fans. My cousin Paul was a Freshman going to Auburn University that year. Alabama was coming into the Iron Bowl that year at 7-2-1 and Auburn was 8-2 and #7 in the land. Bo Jackson was tearing up the field for Auburn and would eventually win the Heisman Trophy that year. I was in the middle of trying to determine the college I would attend (My preferences were MIT, GA Tech, and then somewhere in state), and my cousin had a spare student ticket for the Iron Bowl that year.
What a game that was! Back and forth the score went until the final seconds Van Tiffen kicked the game winner into the Auburn Student section to give Alabama the win 25-23. I thought that I would get killed that day as I yelled and screamed and then realized that I was in the wrong student section. Fortunately I lived.
I went on to post my hateful message, thinking nothing of it. I wasn't planning on going to school there or anything...
Then life happened. MIT didn't want me. Georgia Tech would take me, but it was way too expensive being out of state. The big U recruited me, but it too was out of state and although I love Miami (the city not the University) I just couldn't afford to go. Troy State (then, now just Troy University) offered me a full boat, but me being a pretentious prick couldn't see going there at all. That left Alabama or Auburn. Easy decision right?
I went to Tuscaloosa for a weekend retreat for potential freshmen. It was a lot of fun with the people who were there with me. But the campus as a whole seemed alien and hostile. In fact, more than once I was treated poorly and that really left me feeling like I didn't belong. I was told, quite frankly, that if I wasn't part of the Greek system then I shouldn't bother attending. Hell for that kind of money, I could have went to Miami.
Auburn at least had a strong Engineering program. I held down my bile and went for a similar weekend visit.
And found a home.
For those that have experienced Auburn, you understand what I mean without having to explain it. For those that haven't, its like being surrounded by your family. It's comfortable and comforting. It's like finding the woman that you intend to spend the rest of your life with. It's like holding your new born child. It's like gorging on Thanksgiving turkey and fading to sleep while the game plays in the background.
The people I met that weekend made me feel so at home that I made my decision to go to school there that weekend. I've never regretted that decision.
Now with 3 children, I try to carry them to at least one game a year (depending on finances). They all would love to go to school there, but they won't because its now out of state for me. Regardless, they'll always call Auburn home as well.
And since then i"ve been all Auburn all the time. Tonight during the SEC championship game I had a moment of redemption. Auburn kicked ass and is heading to the National Championship game.
So i just have to say. Merry Christmas all you sugarless Auburn Fans. Beat Oregon!
I have to admit, i can't stop crying. War Dam... er Cam.. Eagle...
Friday, August 27, 2010
SEC's Most Obnoxious Fans
A buddy Benji recently sent me the link to Mark Bradley's blog at the AJC about the SEC's most obnoxious fans. In in Bradley makes a case for whom among us is the most obnoxious ranked best to worst. Obviously, since Benji is a LSU fan, he thought that this would get under my skin (it did) as Bradley selected my Auburn Tigers as the most obnoxious fans. Before I get into explaining just what I think of Bradley, let's examine his supposition.
Bradley states:
First off, no one under the age of 30 would even remember Pay Dye, or Bo Jackson for that matter. A true Auburn fan would be quick to remind you that although Dye was a good coach for his time, that we truly didn't enjoy success until this past decade with Tubberville. Although a lot of fans wanted Tubberville gone, it was more for the off field environment than the on field. Also for the record, no true Auburn fan likes Lowder (I was happy to see that his bank went bankrupt during the financial crisis maybe getting him out of the picture for good). But as much as I can state these things, they aren't facts, they are opinion. So let's focus on what Mr. Bradley purports to be factual information - "they run off coaches on a whim."
Truth is that Auburn has one of the most stable head coaching positions in the league, tied with Georgia and South Carlina with the least turn over in the past 10 years with Florida being the most stable over 20 years. Taking a look at all of the schools in conference there are some surprising information.
School/Coaches Since 2000*/Coaches Since 1990*
1. Auburn 2 - (Tubberville, Chizick) 4 - (Dye, Bowden, Tubberville, Chizick)
1. Georgia 2 - (Donnan, Richt) 4 - (Dooley, Goff, Donnan, Richt)
1. South Carolina 2 – (Holtz, Spurrier) 4 – (Woods, Scott, Holtz, Spurrier)
4. Florida 3 – (Spurrier, Zook, Meyer) 3 – (Spurrier, Zook, Meyer) **
5. LSU 2 – (Saban, Miles) 5 – (Archer, Hallman, DiNardo, Saban, Miles)
6. Mississippi State 3 – (Sherrill, Croom, Mullen) 4 – (Felker, Sherrill, Croom, Mullen)
6. Tennessee 3 – (Fulmer, Kiffin, Dooley) 4 – (Majors, Fulmer, Kiffin, Dooley)
8. Arkansas 3 – (Ford, Nutt, Petrino) 5 – (Crowe, Kines, Ford, Nutt, Petrino)
9. Ole Miss 3 – (Cutcliff, Ogeron, Nutt) 6 – (Brewer, Dunn, Tubberville, Cutcliff, Ogeron, Nutt)
9. Vanderbilt 3 – (Widenhofer, Johnson, Caldwell) 6 – (Brown, DiNardo, Dowhower, Widenhoffer, Johnson, Caldwell)
11. Alabama 4 – (DuBose, Franchione, Shula, Saban) 5 – (Stallings, DuBose, Franchione, Shula, Saban)
11. Kentucky 4 – (Mumme, Moriss, Brooks, Phillips) 5 – (Curry, Mumme, Moriss, Brooks, Phillips)
*Does not include interim coaches
**Most stable program in 20 years
So now I wonder just what Mr. Bradley thought he was doing. I guess its true that most of us bloggers aren't real reporters, just some opinionated buffoon slapping words on a page to get some attention. I know I do that, so I guess Bradley is no different. However, I would expect that with the AJC backing his writing up, that he would at least look at some facts before spouting his poor opinion. I guess newspapers will do whatever they can do to help their medium survive. I guess they'll wake soon enough to realize that newspapers are dead.
I did find it funny to read the comments on his blog. Seems most people think that he must never have been to an SEC game at all (at least he didn't experience the true hospitality that is offered via tail-gating and in the stands seating). I remember the Kansas State game a few years ago when after the game as we were walking to Toomers Corner I overheard some Auburn fans congratulating the State fans on a game well played (we only won in the final minutes of the game). The State fans were shocked at that and said so. The Auburn fan simply said, "Southern hospitality, hope you guys make it back safe home."
So now I truly don't care what Mark Bradley has to say but surely won't be reading him any more. Oh, and cancel my subscription to the AJC. What? I don't have one? Oh, right!
And Benji.... Where are we watching the Auburn-LSU game at this year?
Bradley states:
1. Auburn (No. 2 in 2008, No. 6 in 2010 AJC.com poll): Because Tiger fans still worship at the tainted feet of Pat Dye. Because they run off coaches on a whim. Because they’ve grown as arrogant as Alabama backers without one-tenth the justification. Because they’re still whining over the national championship they didn’t win in 2004. Because the world’s worst fan — the Montgomery banker Bobby Lowder — is an Auburn man. And because I would pay money (though not a lot) to see Bobby Lowder in jean shorts.
First off, no one under the age of 30 would even remember Pay Dye, or Bo Jackson for that matter. A true Auburn fan would be quick to remind you that although Dye was a good coach for his time, that we truly didn't enjoy success until this past decade with Tubberville. Although a lot of fans wanted Tubberville gone, it was more for the off field environment than the on field. Also for the record, no true Auburn fan likes Lowder (I was happy to see that his bank went bankrupt during the financial crisis maybe getting him out of the picture for good). But as much as I can state these things, they aren't facts, they are opinion. So let's focus on what Mr. Bradley purports to be factual information - "they run off coaches on a whim."
Truth is that Auburn has one of the most stable head coaching positions in the league, tied with Georgia and South Carlina with the least turn over in the past 10 years with Florida being the most stable over 20 years. Taking a look at all of the schools in conference there are some surprising information.
School/Coaches Since 2000*/Coaches Since 1990*
1. Auburn 2 - (Tubberville, Chizick) 4 - (Dye, Bowden, Tubberville, Chizick)
1. Georgia 2 - (Donnan, Richt) 4 - (Dooley, Goff, Donnan, Richt)
1. South Carolina 2 – (Holtz, Spurrier) 4 – (Woods, Scott, Holtz, Spurrier)
4. Florida 3 – (Spurrier, Zook, Meyer) 3 – (Spurrier, Zook, Meyer) **
5. LSU 2 – (Saban, Miles) 5 – (Archer, Hallman, DiNardo, Saban, Miles)
6. Mississippi State 3 – (Sherrill, Croom, Mullen) 4 – (Felker, Sherrill, Croom, Mullen)
6. Tennessee 3 – (Fulmer, Kiffin, Dooley) 4 – (Majors, Fulmer, Kiffin, Dooley)
8. Arkansas 3 – (Ford, Nutt, Petrino) 5 – (Crowe, Kines, Ford, Nutt, Petrino)
9. Ole Miss 3 – (Cutcliff, Ogeron, Nutt) 6 – (Brewer, Dunn, Tubberville, Cutcliff, Ogeron, Nutt)
9. Vanderbilt 3 – (Widenhofer, Johnson, Caldwell) 6 – (Brown, DiNardo, Dowhower, Widenhoffer, Johnson, Caldwell)
11. Alabama 4 – (DuBose, Franchione, Shula, Saban) 5 – (Stallings, DuBose, Franchione, Shula, Saban)
11. Kentucky 4 – (Mumme, Moriss, Brooks, Phillips) 5 – (Curry, Mumme, Moriss, Brooks, Phillips)
*Does not include interim coaches
**Most stable program in 20 years
So now I wonder just what Mr. Bradley thought he was doing. I guess its true that most of us bloggers aren't real reporters, just some opinionated buffoon slapping words on a page to get some attention. I know I do that, so I guess Bradley is no different. However, I would expect that with the AJC backing his writing up, that he would at least look at some facts before spouting his poor opinion. I guess newspapers will do whatever they can do to help their medium survive. I guess they'll wake soon enough to realize that newspapers are dead.
I did find it funny to read the comments on his blog. Seems most people think that he must never have been to an SEC game at all (at least he didn't experience the true hospitality that is offered via tail-gating and in the stands seating). I remember the Kansas State game a few years ago when after the game as we were walking to Toomers Corner I overheard some Auburn fans congratulating the State fans on a game well played (we only won in the final minutes of the game). The State fans were shocked at that and said so. The Auburn fan simply said, "Southern hospitality, hope you guys make it back safe home."
So now I truly don't care what Mark Bradley has to say but surely won't be reading him any more. Oh, and cancel my subscription to the AJC. What? I don't have one? Oh, right!
And Benji.... Where are we watching the Auburn-LSU game at this year?
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Time to end the oil dependency
If the Gulf Oil Spill didn't already point out how far behind in technology that the oil companies are, the recent oil spill in China should quickly remind us. Now, I'm not a tree hugger, and I don't believe in Al Gore's vision of the future. Anyone who has studied geology understands that the earth has gone through many cycles of warming and cooling. But I am an advocate for technology and I find it hard to understand how the drilling technology really hasn't advanced beyond the 1970's. Am I missing something here? Can someone enlighten me? Regardless, I do think its time that we moved to more advanced technology than controlled explosions under your hood. Where is the future that I read about as a kid reading Asimov, etc? Honestly I think Obama should have let the auto industry die, they've been unwilling to innovate in the past and have held on to their little slice of reality even though the world is starting to pass them by (kind of like how Hollywood and the record industry still have their thumbs up their collective asses as well). Hmm this rant is getting out of control, think I'll stop here and come back with a more insightful argument later.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
The Odyssey: Part 2
It was still early when we left the Empire State Building. We started north, heading to our next stop - The New York Public Library. My children grew up watching PBS's "Between the Lions" and that was all that they were able to see when we got there. Turns out that the library doesn't open until 10 am and we were well before that. The clouds that were obscuring the view a the ESB now decided to show us what they were good for and the rain started to come down.
It wasn't a hard rain so we pressed on to Bryant Park which is just behind the library. Although the park is near as impressive as the grand daddy Central, it was still a nice juxtaposition between the vibrant greens of the park and the surrounding city scape. The architecture was interesting as well, something completely lost on the kids with us. As we reached the entrance to the park, buckets began to fall and we took shelter under an umbrella with a friendly non-English speaking fellow. Who says that New Yorkers aren't friendly? Just because you can't understand someone doesn't mean he isn't friendly.
From there we went west until we found Broadway and traveled north. As the kids began to see the spectacle that is Times Square, they began to get excited. If you have never been there, you should go at least once, just to say you've been. I had only been there at night and was surprised at just how vibrant it was during the day. This, to the kids, was what New York was all about.
Again the tourist mongers were out in force. "Tour the city?" "Need a guide?" Etc., etc. As before we largely ignored them. Something else was going on here, which was either absent or I simply missed back at the ESB, homeless panhandlers. Although this was a first, each panhandler stood over a clear plastic box with cash inside and collected for the homeless shelter for the area. The fact that they were organized were no less annoying however and every half block I was accosted. Still, not nearly as bad as San Francisco where every 5 feet you are molested.
The kids had a ball. We went to a giant Toys R Us with an internal Ferris Wheel and a life size T-Rex that was animated. From there we went to the M&M's World first stopping by the ABC studios to wave at the anchors inside. We headed east to Rockefeller Center and stopped for some authentic pizza even though it was still a bit early for lunch.
Southerners don't understand all the hubbub about New York pizza. Why are New Yorkers who live down here always complaining about the pizza? All I can say is that after having that pizza there in the city, I think I begin to understand. It was GOOD.
The pizza place was conveniently located just across the street from the Nintendo World which proved to be very lame. All of that creativity from Japan and the best they can do is that store. We strolled past the NBC studios and where the Christmas Tree usually stands. My daughter wanted to go ice skating like she saw on TV and didn't understand why the rink wasn't open. In the south our rinks are all indoors so she didn't grasp at first. Heading toward Madison Avenue we discovered the newly open Lego World and almost couldn't get my youngest to leave. He could have spent the rest of his life there.
My sister in law found her own heaven on Madison Avenue. My daughter and her bonded over a pair of $1000 shoes at some store we passed on the way to the Sony Wonderlabs. As I pulled them away from the potential shopping, I promised that she could come back to the city some other time....
The Wonderlabs were really cool and best of all were free. Throughout the day, the there that stood out was that the things we had to pay for were a rip and totally not worth it. The kids had more fun at the locations that didn't cost us a dime (at least to participate in). They had more fun at stores and parks they did at the attractions that cost.
We breezed through the Apple store as although it was cool to see from the outside, was uninteresting on the inside. FAO Swartz was a clear winner though and my eldest fell in love with a $1200 stuffed bear. Start saving those pennies now!
Up until this point we were doing great. I had joked the previous night that we would go until the 8 yr old or 40 somethings gave out. So far so good. I had actually hinted that my sister in law would be the first to give in, being the oldest and all. We headed to the Central Park Zoo and decided that they wanted way too much money for such a tiny little attraction. Then we started the hike across the park to our final destination, the American Museum of Natural History.
The park killed us. Up until then our journey had been relatively flat and shady. Central Park was very hilly with large areas of sunlight. Energy draining sunlight. By the time we cleared the park, we were done. All of us. No exceptions. So much for the weak crashing first. I take back my teasing, we all suffered.
Fortunately, we got into the museum for a small donation of $10 since they were getting close to closing time. I regret that as I could have spent half a day there with no problem. Since we were toast, we took the subway back to Penn Station. We did go back to the ESB to see the view, but like I said before, it really isn't worth it, but you have to have done it at least once.
Most everyone slept on the train ride back to Jersey, the kids dreaming of all the sites they had seen and the adults longing for a cold beverage and hot foot soak.
Can't wait to go back!
It wasn't a hard rain so we pressed on to Bryant Park which is just behind the library. Although the park is near as impressive as the grand daddy Central, it was still a nice juxtaposition between the vibrant greens of the park and the surrounding city scape. The architecture was interesting as well, something completely lost on the kids with us. As we reached the entrance to the park, buckets began to fall and we took shelter under an umbrella with a friendly non-English speaking fellow. Who says that New Yorkers aren't friendly? Just because you can't understand someone doesn't mean he isn't friendly.
From there we went west until we found Broadway and traveled north. As the kids began to see the spectacle that is Times Square, they began to get excited. If you have never been there, you should go at least once, just to say you've been. I had only been there at night and was surprised at just how vibrant it was during the day. This, to the kids, was what New York was all about.
Again the tourist mongers were out in force. "Tour the city?" "Need a guide?" Etc., etc. As before we largely ignored them. Something else was going on here, which was either absent or I simply missed back at the ESB, homeless panhandlers. Although this was a first, each panhandler stood over a clear plastic box with cash inside and collected for the homeless shelter for the area. The fact that they were organized were no less annoying however and every half block I was accosted. Still, not nearly as bad as San Francisco where every 5 feet you are molested.
The kids had a ball. We went to a giant Toys R Us with an internal Ferris Wheel and a life size T-Rex that was animated. From there we went to the M&M's World first stopping by the ABC studios to wave at the anchors inside. We headed east to Rockefeller Center and stopped for some authentic pizza even though it was still a bit early for lunch.
Southerners don't understand all the hubbub about New York pizza. Why are New Yorkers who live down here always complaining about the pizza? All I can say is that after having that pizza there in the city, I think I begin to understand. It was GOOD.
The pizza place was conveniently located just across the street from the Nintendo World which proved to be very lame. All of that creativity from Japan and the best they can do is that store. We strolled past the NBC studios and where the Christmas Tree usually stands. My daughter wanted to go ice skating like she saw on TV and didn't understand why the rink wasn't open. In the south our rinks are all indoors so she didn't grasp at first. Heading toward Madison Avenue we discovered the newly open Lego World and almost couldn't get my youngest to leave. He could have spent the rest of his life there.
My sister in law found her own heaven on Madison Avenue. My daughter and her bonded over a pair of $1000 shoes at some store we passed on the way to the Sony Wonderlabs. As I pulled them away from the potential shopping, I promised that she could come back to the city some other time....
The Wonderlabs were really cool and best of all were free. Throughout the day, the there that stood out was that the things we had to pay for were a rip and totally not worth it. The kids had more fun at the locations that didn't cost us a dime (at least to participate in). They had more fun at stores and parks they did at the attractions that cost.
We breezed through the Apple store as although it was cool to see from the outside, was uninteresting on the inside. FAO Swartz was a clear winner though and my eldest fell in love with a $1200 stuffed bear. Start saving those pennies now!
Up until this point we were doing great. I had joked the previous night that we would go until the 8 yr old or 40 somethings gave out. So far so good. I had actually hinted that my sister in law would be the first to give in, being the oldest and all. We headed to the Central Park Zoo and decided that they wanted way too much money for such a tiny little attraction. Then we started the hike across the park to our final destination, the American Museum of Natural History.
The park killed us. Up until then our journey had been relatively flat and shady. Central Park was very hilly with large areas of sunlight. Energy draining sunlight. By the time we cleared the park, we were done. All of us. No exceptions. So much for the weak crashing first. I take back my teasing, we all suffered.
Fortunately, we got into the museum for a small donation of $10 since they were getting close to closing time. I regret that as I could have spent half a day there with no problem. Since we were toast, we took the subway back to Penn Station. We did go back to the ESB to see the view, but like I said before, it really isn't worth it, but you have to have done it at least once.
Most everyone slept on the train ride back to Jersey, the kids dreaming of all the sites they had seen and the adults longing for a cold beverage and hot foot soak.
Can't wait to go back!
Friday, July 9, 2010
The Odyssey: Part 1
It was early morning when the band of adventurers set out. The morning air left beads of dew on everything. The leader, a swarthy man of middle years rounded his group prior to taking passage on the magic transport. "Is everyone ready? Does everyone have their buddy?," Tonamok peered at the eager group. With a cheer the fellowship climbed aboard the train to the city and the adventure began!
It was a rare opportunity for us to go to the city. I had been many times before, as the company that I work for used to have an office in Long Island. My children had only been there once before, when they were first toddling and have little to no memory of the experience. How cool for them to be able to visit the big city with all of its sights and sounds.
I planned our trip to be a walking trip. I asked them what they would like to see and I filled in the lack of cultural locations to round out the trip. I had gotten them souvenirs from the World of M&M's a few years ago and that was tops on their list. I asked them all what they were most excited to see and my youngest replied, "Nintendo World". ??
"That's not on the list," I replied. "Are you sure that is there?"
"Oh yes, my friend went there, it is just around the corner from M&M World!" I looked it up on Google and viola, 3 blocks away.
"Ok, I've added it to the itinerary."
As you know, I was born and raised in the South. My family has always looked upon large northern cities with a lot of skepticism and superstitiously with a lot of fear. IF I had listened to everything my family had to say on the subject, I should have been mugged, shot, stabbed, killed, etc., upon getting off of the plane. In fact, just thinking about going to New York would bring bad karma too me and I would likely get killed even before I left for the airport. I WAS nervous the first time I went to the Big Apple. But to the surprise of my family, I returned unscathed. Not only that, I fell in love with the city and have been back many times. Of course it helps that my wife and extended family are all from there as well. Yankees, my immediate family calls them. My wife for the record is a DAMN Yankee (because she never went home). Regardless, I feel at home in the city.
Having said that, taking 2 adolescents, and 3 teens to the city will cause a little bit of worry to any parent. Your worst fear is that you lose someone. It is a big and busy place and very easy to get separated. Or something happens and a child gets hurt. There is a lot to cause any parent fear.
My troop was well prepared though. My boys are Scouts and all of the things that we teach them about survival in the woods applies to the concrete jungle (always have a buddy; know all phone numbers that you'll need; if lost find a mother or authority figure, but NEVER leave the location that you were lost at; drink plenty of water, etc.) My daughter learned those same lessons and everyone was ready. In fact, they were fearless. The big city was in no way something to fear. Everyone paired up, water in their hand. CHARGE!
We started our day on the train from Jersey to Penn Station. Nothing eventful about that, only that you could see the anticipation in their eyes. Once in the city, we were to hit the Empire State Building first. Honestly, there isn't anything there worth the hassle and expense, but you have to say you have done it at least once. My sister in law was with us (also a southerner married to a damn Yankee). We had left our spouses behind to deal with a family situation. She had never been there as had none of my kids, so it was first on the list. However, we picked the one cool day during this heatwave and that unfortunately meant clouds (and future rain).
There are parts of the city that turn into tourist central. It is the most annoying thing about any visit there. Although I understand that a lot of people who visit know nothing about what they are doing (and conversely seem unable to look it up online), there is nothing that irritates me more than some jackass trying to sell me something I don't need, even after I've told him I don't need it. Here is the conversation:
"Yo, yo, yo, you guys going up to see the top?"
"Yeah, we want to see the observation deck."
"Ah. It's overcast now, you won't be able to see anything. So what you need to do is take the Skyride and then you can avoid the lines to the top."
"Um, Ok. So how does that make easier to see?"
"No, but while you are on the Skyride, that will give the clouds time to clear."
"So how long is the Skyride?"
"It will take you 15-30 minutes to get through the Skyride and then you'll be able to go straight to the top to see the view at the observation deck."
"So you think the clouds will clear in 15-30 minutes? They aren't going to clear in that time. It will still be clouding and now I've wasted 30 minutes when I could just go see the view now, that I will see then."
"No no no. You won't have to wait in line to get to the top if you take the Skyride."
"You just told me that it would take 15-30 minutes to get through the Skyride. How long is the wait to get to the observation deck?"
"But you won't have to wait...."
"No thanks, I'll come back later when it's clear!"
"But you won't have to wait...."
What a moron. The other tourist spots were about the same. That's it for now, I'll hit part two by tomorrow. It was a grand experience. Those who know me personally got to follow the trek via Facebook. Those who don't know me personally will just have to read the abstraction here.
Let me just leave you with the fact that I'm so proud of my children and my nephews who took the blistering pace I set and had a blast while doing it. This morning the only people who hurt were all over 40. Just seeing their joy was worth every ache and pain I feel today. See you soon for Part II.
It was a rare opportunity for us to go to the city. I had been many times before, as the company that I work for used to have an office in Long Island. My children had only been there once before, when they were first toddling and have little to no memory of the experience. How cool for them to be able to visit the big city with all of its sights and sounds.
I planned our trip to be a walking trip. I asked them what they would like to see and I filled in the lack of cultural locations to round out the trip. I had gotten them souvenirs from the World of M&M's a few years ago and that was tops on their list. I asked them all what they were most excited to see and my youngest replied, "Nintendo World". ??
"That's not on the list," I replied. "Are you sure that is there?"
"Oh yes, my friend went there, it is just around the corner from M&M World!" I looked it up on Google and viola, 3 blocks away.
"Ok, I've added it to the itinerary."
As you know, I was born and raised in the South. My family has always looked upon large northern cities with a lot of skepticism and superstitiously with a lot of fear. IF I had listened to everything my family had to say on the subject, I should have been mugged, shot, stabbed, killed, etc., upon getting off of the plane. In fact, just thinking about going to New York would bring bad karma too me and I would likely get killed even before I left for the airport. I WAS nervous the first time I went to the Big Apple. But to the surprise of my family, I returned unscathed. Not only that, I fell in love with the city and have been back many times. Of course it helps that my wife and extended family are all from there as well. Yankees, my immediate family calls them. My wife for the record is a DAMN Yankee (because she never went home). Regardless, I feel at home in the city.
Having said that, taking 2 adolescents, and 3 teens to the city will cause a little bit of worry to any parent. Your worst fear is that you lose someone. It is a big and busy place and very easy to get separated. Or something happens and a child gets hurt. There is a lot to cause any parent fear.
My troop was well prepared though. My boys are Scouts and all of the things that we teach them about survival in the woods applies to the concrete jungle (always have a buddy; know all phone numbers that you'll need; if lost find a mother or authority figure, but NEVER leave the location that you were lost at; drink plenty of water, etc.) My daughter learned those same lessons and everyone was ready. In fact, they were fearless. The big city was in no way something to fear. Everyone paired up, water in their hand. CHARGE!
We started our day on the train from Jersey to Penn Station. Nothing eventful about that, only that you could see the anticipation in their eyes. Once in the city, we were to hit the Empire State Building first. Honestly, there isn't anything there worth the hassle and expense, but you have to say you have done it at least once. My sister in law was with us (also a southerner married to a damn Yankee). We had left our spouses behind to deal with a family situation. She had never been there as had none of my kids, so it was first on the list. However, we picked the one cool day during this heatwave and that unfortunately meant clouds (and future rain).
There are parts of the city that turn into tourist central. It is the most annoying thing about any visit there. Although I understand that a lot of people who visit know nothing about what they are doing (and conversely seem unable to look it up online), there is nothing that irritates me more than some jackass trying to sell me something I don't need, even after I've told him I don't need it. Here is the conversation:
"Yo, yo, yo, you guys going up to see the top?"
"Yeah, we want to see the observation deck."
"Ah. It's overcast now, you won't be able to see anything. So what you need to do is take the Skyride and then you can avoid the lines to the top."
"Um, Ok. So how does that make easier to see?"
"No, but while you are on the Skyride, that will give the clouds time to clear."
"So how long is the Skyride?"
"It will take you 15-30 minutes to get through the Skyride and then you'll be able to go straight to the top to see the view at the observation deck."
"So you think the clouds will clear in 15-30 minutes? They aren't going to clear in that time. It will still be clouding and now I've wasted 30 minutes when I could just go see the view now, that I will see then."
"No no no. You won't have to wait in line to get to the top if you take the Skyride."
"You just told me that it would take 15-30 minutes to get through the Skyride. How long is the wait to get to the observation deck?"
"But you won't have to wait...."
"No thanks, I'll come back later when it's clear!"
"But you won't have to wait...."
What a moron. The other tourist spots were about the same. That's it for now, I'll hit part two by tomorrow. It was a grand experience. Those who know me personally got to follow the trek via Facebook. Those who don't know me personally will just have to read the abstraction here.
Let me just leave you with the fact that I'm so proud of my children and my nephews who took the blistering pace I set and had a blast while doing it. This morning the only people who hurt were all over 40. Just seeing their joy was worth every ache and pain I feel today. See you soon for Part II.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Summer Blockbuster Slam
I don't get a lot of opportunity to go to the movies any more. One its expensive as hell. Two, the crowds often detract from the experience. And honestly, I'd rather watch a movie on my large screen TV in the comfort of my own home. Movie Theater popcorn is disgusting, you have to coat it with butter and cheese sprinkles and salt to make it tasty. At home I have an air popper that makes the absolute best popcorn in the world (just ask my wife, she loves mine).
But in the past two weeks, I've been able to see two movies at the theater so I figured that I'd let you know what I thought about them. Yesterday I went to see "The Last Airbender". M. Knight Shamalamadingdong or whatever his name is most recent directorial attempt. A once up and coming director with a penchant for surprises, is now at best, just another narcissist trying to keep his name in the public eye. The best description for this movie came from my oldest son, "Meh!"
The special effects were cool and the settings fantastical. That's really the only thing nice I can say about the movie. The acting was, ...well, absent. I see better acting watching my two youngest in the pool pretending to be seals. Actually that would be an insult to my kids. I've seen better acting in 3rd grade pageants. Wait, another insult. Ok, I've not ever seen worse acting. There, that is better.
I was lost throughout most of the story. I had watched "Avatar" with my kids from time to time, so at least I had some idea of the premise. But I'm thinking that only an avid fan of the cartoon would really understand the story. My son was more knowledgeable than I but he was unable to connect the movie story with the cartoon story so we both walked out of there not really knowing what the hell was going on.
The only positive thing about the movie was that it keep me out of the 98 degree heat in Jersey for the day. No sunstroke, no heatstroke, just cool air.... But I could have chosen better I think. We did watch the 3D version but compared to my second movie review, the 3D in TLA was laughable. It was obviously tacked on to take advantage of the current 3D push.
Ok, on to the next movie, Toy Story 3.
Let's just get this out of the way up front. I cried.
No, scratch that, I bawled. Like a baby.
My first instinct was that this was Disney Pixar trying to get back on top with a known IP, since their last two attempts were steadily getting worse. Capitalize on the known, phone it in, make payroll. I'm happy to say that I am wrong. Although the story is about the continuation of the characters that we've become so familiar with, it was in no way phoned in. It was amazing. The 3D was not tacked on, but was an integral part of the experience and it was done to enhance the movie and not draw attention to itself for the sake of being 3D. I won't spoil the movie by explaining the story, but it was the natural ending to story. I distinctly remember having just such a moment as I left for college, feeling that I was leaving my childhood behind forever. Even poor childhoods are looked back upon in fondness after time has dulled the pain. Toy Story 3 captured that feeling exactly. My daughter calls me an "old softy" now. I guess she hasn't been paying attention, I've been that for a while.
My last movie is not really a review. Honestly, you wouldn't catch me within a mile of this movie. However, the results of what this movie does for my romantic life is well worth whatever sacrifices I must make. Twilight - "Sun Up", or "Moon Over Troubled Water", or whatever the hell the name of the movie is turns married women into swooning teenagers again. I won't point out the obvious statement about if I was lusting after a 20 something, I'll just keep that in my back pocket for a future pass. Regardless, nothing helps a romantic life like a brooding moody vampire. Who knew?
Now if someone can tell me how to get this glitter to stick to my skin and I'm in!
Ok, remember to click on any BP adds that show up while reading this. Make those bastards pay!
Gulf Coast Oil spill, tarballs, Pensacola, Mobile, New Orleans, British Petroleum, BP, gasoline, Panama City, Gulf Breeze, cleanup, oil slick, wildlife, marsh, inter-coastal waterway, Lake Ponchatrain
But in the past two weeks, I've been able to see two movies at the theater so I figured that I'd let you know what I thought about them. Yesterday I went to see "The Last Airbender". M. Knight Shamalamadingdong or whatever his name is most recent directorial attempt. A once up and coming director with a penchant for surprises, is now at best, just another narcissist trying to keep his name in the public eye. The best description for this movie came from my oldest son, "Meh!"
The special effects were cool and the settings fantastical. That's really the only thing nice I can say about the movie. The acting was, ...well, absent. I see better acting watching my two youngest in the pool pretending to be seals. Actually that would be an insult to my kids. I've seen better acting in 3rd grade pageants. Wait, another insult. Ok, I've not ever seen worse acting. There, that is better.
I was lost throughout most of the story. I had watched "Avatar" with my kids from time to time, so at least I had some idea of the premise. But I'm thinking that only an avid fan of the cartoon would really understand the story. My son was more knowledgeable than I but he was unable to connect the movie story with the cartoon story so we both walked out of there not really knowing what the hell was going on.
The only positive thing about the movie was that it keep me out of the 98 degree heat in Jersey for the day. No sunstroke, no heatstroke, just cool air.... But I could have chosen better I think. We did watch the 3D version but compared to my second movie review, the 3D in TLA was laughable. It was obviously tacked on to take advantage of the current 3D push.
Ok, on to the next movie, Toy Story 3.
Let's just get this out of the way up front. I cried.
No, scratch that, I bawled. Like a baby.
My first instinct was that this was Disney Pixar trying to get back on top with a known IP, since their last two attempts were steadily getting worse. Capitalize on the known, phone it in, make payroll. I'm happy to say that I am wrong. Although the story is about the continuation of the characters that we've become so familiar with, it was in no way phoned in. It was amazing. The 3D was not tacked on, but was an integral part of the experience and it was done to enhance the movie and not draw attention to itself for the sake of being 3D. I won't spoil the movie by explaining the story, but it was the natural ending to story. I distinctly remember having just such a moment as I left for college, feeling that I was leaving my childhood behind forever. Even poor childhoods are looked back upon in fondness after time has dulled the pain. Toy Story 3 captured that feeling exactly. My daughter calls me an "old softy" now. I guess she hasn't been paying attention, I've been that for a while.
My last movie is not really a review. Honestly, you wouldn't catch me within a mile of this movie. However, the results of what this movie does for my romantic life is well worth whatever sacrifices I must make. Twilight - "Sun Up", or "Moon Over Troubled Water", or whatever the hell the name of the movie is turns married women into swooning teenagers again. I won't point out the obvious statement about if I was lusting after a 20 something, I'll just keep that in my back pocket for a future pass. Regardless, nothing helps a romantic life like a brooding moody vampire. Who knew?
Now if someone can tell me how to get this glitter to stick to my skin and I'm in!
Ok, remember to click on any BP adds that show up while reading this. Make those bastards pay!
Gulf Coast Oil spill, tarballs, Pensacola, Mobile, New Orleans, British Petroleum, BP, gasoline, Panama City, Gulf Breeze, cleanup, oil slick, wildlife, marsh, inter-coastal waterway, Lake Ponchatrain
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
The Past is Delicious and Moist
I've been on hiatus for a while. The things that I wanted to write about I couldn't for fear of reprisal. It's been no secret to anyone who knows me personally that I wasn't happy with my job. I won't discuss it here yet as there is always the chance that someone would connect this to the real Tonamok and I'd rather not have to explain my true feelings. Suffice it to say that things have changed and although I'm no longer miserable at work, I'm not 100% happy either.
I recently discovered the Royal Society for the encouragement of Arts, Manufactures and Commerce on YouTube. Their location is RSAnimate and they have a really interesting way to explain topics. The most recent one that I watched was from a lecture from Dan Pink. In his discussion he explains that motivation for creative people and notes that bonuses and other monetary pushes don't really motivate creative individuals. What he purports is that if we get paid enough to no longer worry about money, and then left to our own devices that creativity and productivity swell. I definitely think that he is on to something as I have been extremely creative in many of my endeavors in the past, and they always happened when I wasn't worried about money. When I could just pour out my brain without having to worry if I was going to make the mortgage payment, then I really was able to produce some winners. When I've been worried about how to make ends meet, or when I'm worried that the politics of the moment might be the end of my job, then I've never been able to excel.
I've always had an entrepreneurial gene and have owned 3 companies in my life and worked for 5 other companies as just a worker. In my first two companies, I was very successful. I built a web design business from the ground up, out of a spare bedroom in my townhouse. I did it part time as I was working for another successful enterprise (for me). In the case of the full time job, I was making more money than I had ever made in my life and was quite comfortable. I excelled there and was the wonderkid that everyone turned to for their computer needs, even though I was employed as an Archaeologist (I'll save that story for a later time). The success of the first one, lead me to the second one, my part time business. Eventually, the part time business was so successful that a local ISP wanted me to become a partner, and thus I started company #2.
Company #2 was also a success. I did have to quit my first full time job and work it full time. Although monetarily it wasn't as successful as the previous two together (full time + part time), I was still able to be very creative. It wasn't until I got too big for my own good and felt that I had to separate the web design portion of the business from the ISP that I had my first failure. Instead of running it out of my home (and homes of my employees), I had to have office space, etc. I spent all of my time worrying how to get the next job and how to pay everyone to the point that we just weren't as creative as we initially were. Without that creative differentiator we were unable to command top dollar and we eventually had to close our doors.
Since then I went from job to job only staying 1-2 years each. I've found that companies are quite stupid when it comes to employees. Once you are hired, they then become stingy with their money and you are lucky if you get a 2% raise (if you get one at all). However, the cost of replacing me or any other highly creative individual is typically 30% of what I'm already making. For me, or someone like me, we can count on 5-20% increase by switching jobs. That means that most people are willing to leave a position for a 10% increase especially since most employers won't pay that fee. Instead they would rather hire someone new, with no domain experience (and I haven't met a software developer yet who didn't want to immediately rewrite any code they are saddled with), for at least 5-10% more than I was making, and pay a 20% recruiter fee on top of that. Sad. Faced with this corporate antipathy for its employees, I always chose the greener pasture.
However, that stopped once I received stock options that were actually worth something. In hindsight, I wish I had never gotten them. Stock options give you the impression that they are worth money, enough to make you comfortable and thus then creative. But its just an illusion. Its that carrot to do better and thus make more and ultimately they are not motivational at all. It took me several years to realize that and I'm now back at the point of wanting, no needing, to not worry about money. If anything, I feel that lack of creativity for the past several years and I feel that I'm minimized because of it.
Regardless, there are many things happening around me that remind me that the only thing that really matters to me is family. I've seen deaths the past year, some senseless and tragic, others random and heartbreaking. All I know is that no one can predict when or where their time is up and maximizing every moment with those you love should be the most important choice. I now know that all of my future choices in life will weigh that heavily. So, for my future, I want a job that money is no longer my worry, and one that doesn't interfere with my fragile and limited time with my family.
Ok, so a bit rambling today, but that is to be expected. I'm actually on vacation and have had some time to think about my life and what I like and don't like about it. I've been so unhappy for the past few years and couldn't figure out why. I think I'm starting to understand it now and having that knowledge will make it easier to fix. After all, knowing you have a problem is the first step in solving it.
Oh, and just so that BP keeps loosing money - oil spill, British petroleum, gulf of mexico, pensacola, mobile, Louisiana, marsh, wildlife, gasoline.
I recently discovered the Royal Society for the encouragement of Arts, Manufactures and Commerce on YouTube. Their location is RSAnimate and they have a really interesting way to explain topics. The most recent one that I watched was from a lecture from Dan Pink. In his discussion he explains that motivation for creative people and notes that bonuses and other monetary pushes don't really motivate creative individuals. What he purports is that if we get paid enough to no longer worry about money, and then left to our own devices that creativity and productivity swell. I definitely think that he is on to something as I have been extremely creative in many of my endeavors in the past, and they always happened when I wasn't worried about money. When I could just pour out my brain without having to worry if I was going to make the mortgage payment, then I really was able to produce some winners. When I've been worried about how to make ends meet, or when I'm worried that the politics of the moment might be the end of my job, then I've never been able to excel.
I've always had an entrepreneurial gene and have owned 3 companies in my life and worked for 5 other companies as just a worker. In my first two companies, I was very successful. I built a web design business from the ground up, out of a spare bedroom in my townhouse. I did it part time as I was working for another successful enterprise (for me). In the case of the full time job, I was making more money than I had ever made in my life and was quite comfortable. I excelled there and was the wonderkid that everyone turned to for their computer needs, even though I was employed as an Archaeologist (I'll save that story for a later time). The success of the first one, lead me to the second one, my part time business. Eventually, the part time business was so successful that a local ISP wanted me to become a partner, and thus I started company #2.
Company #2 was also a success. I did have to quit my first full time job and work it full time. Although monetarily it wasn't as successful as the previous two together (full time + part time), I was still able to be very creative. It wasn't until I got too big for my own good and felt that I had to separate the web design portion of the business from the ISP that I had my first failure. Instead of running it out of my home (and homes of my employees), I had to have office space, etc. I spent all of my time worrying how to get the next job and how to pay everyone to the point that we just weren't as creative as we initially were. Without that creative differentiator we were unable to command top dollar and we eventually had to close our doors.
Since then I went from job to job only staying 1-2 years each. I've found that companies are quite stupid when it comes to employees. Once you are hired, they then become stingy with their money and you are lucky if you get a 2% raise (if you get one at all). However, the cost of replacing me or any other highly creative individual is typically 30% of what I'm already making. For me, or someone like me, we can count on 5-20% increase by switching jobs. That means that most people are willing to leave a position for a 10% increase especially since most employers won't pay that fee. Instead they would rather hire someone new, with no domain experience (and I haven't met a software developer yet who didn't want to immediately rewrite any code they are saddled with), for at least 5-10% more than I was making, and pay a 20% recruiter fee on top of that. Sad. Faced with this corporate antipathy for its employees, I always chose the greener pasture.
However, that stopped once I received stock options that were actually worth something. In hindsight, I wish I had never gotten them. Stock options give you the impression that they are worth money, enough to make you comfortable and thus then creative. But its just an illusion. Its that carrot to do better and thus make more and ultimately they are not motivational at all. It took me several years to realize that and I'm now back at the point of wanting, no needing, to not worry about money. If anything, I feel that lack of creativity for the past several years and I feel that I'm minimized because of it.
Regardless, there are many things happening around me that remind me that the only thing that really matters to me is family. I've seen deaths the past year, some senseless and tragic, others random and heartbreaking. All I know is that no one can predict when or where their time is up and maximizing every moment with those you love should be the most important choice. I now know that all of my future choices in life will weigh that heavily. So, for my future, I want a job that money is no longer my worry, and one that doesn't interfere with my fragile and limited time with my family.
Ok, so a bit rambling today, but that is to be expected. I'm actually on vacation and have had some time to think about my life and what I like and don't like about it. I've been so unhappy for the past few years and couldn't figure out why. I think I'm starting to understand it now and having that knowledge will make it easier to fix. After all, knowing you have a problem is the first step in solving it.
Oh, and just so that BP keeps loosing money - oil spill, British petroleum, gulf of mexico, pensacola, mobile, Louisiana, marsh, wildlife, gasoline.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Gulf Coast Oil Spill
This is mostly a test of something I heard in a recent podcast. BP is supposedly buying advertising from Google in order to help their PR. So the next few sentences are going to be as much search engine fodder as I can create. If you see a BP add here, please click on it. Again, and again. Let's bankrupt these bastards for what they've done to our pristine beaches.
Gulf Coast Oil spill, tarballs, Pensacola, Mobile, New Orleans, British Petroleum, BP, gasoline, Panama City, Gulf Breeze, cleanup, oil slick, wildlife, marsh, inter-coastal waterway.
I'll add more terms as I find them. If you know of any, please comment, or send them to me.
Gulf Coast Oil spill, tarballs, Pensacola, Mobile, New Orleans, British Petroleum, BP, gasoline, Panama City, Gulf Breeze, cleanup, oil slick, wildlife, marsh, inter-coastal waterway.
I'll add more terms as I find them. If you know of any, please comment, or send them to me.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
TekWarcraft
I'm not sure why this struck me the other day. Perhaps it was seeing a Priceline commercial, or maybe it was an old StarTrek episode on Netflix. Regardless, seeing William Shatner reminded me of TekWar, his science fiction novel and subsequent television series. To be honest, I had all but forgotten this as it wasn't the best (or most original) science fiction writing. However, the premise was a bit unique in that in the not to distant future a drug was created that allowed humans to live inside a virtual world of their own making. The problem with the technology was that it was too addicting and many succumbed to living full time in their virtual worlds, unable to be part of normal society. Much like the government of today, if it feels good it must be illegal, so anyone using Tek was now a criminal.
Think about that for a second. Using technology to live in a fantasy world is illegal.
What was a startling revelation to me was the fact that I would be on the lam as we speak, were I living in that not so distant future. What is a MMO if not a fantasy world? The more immersive that world is the more popular it becomes, and thus becomes more desirable. Gamers have used terms such as "Evercrack" or "World of Warcrack" to describe such games. Is there anything to our desire to be part of these games? Are we indeed "addicts"?
Borrowing from Wikipedia, addiction is defined as:
I'm willing to step out on a limb here and state that everyone has addictive behavior. I've heard for years how some people have "additive tendencies" in their lives. I think that it is human behavior to gravitate toward something that gives them pleasure and do whatever they can to continue that pleasure. An "addiction" is simply something in ones life that is filling a need and will continue to do so until such time as something else is found to fill that need. What is love? Why do we spend our lives acquiring it, and then doing everything we can to hold on to it? Yes, my friend we are all addicts.
Anything in excess is not a good thing. Even life giving substances can kill in excess. Water, that which you can't live without can indeed kill you (more detail here). So the only thing to debate then, is how much is too much? Where does the line exist that once crossed makes your addiction detrimental to you, or others around you? Happily, I can say that there is no true answer to that, it varies from individual to individual, the variables are too complex to quantify.
So then, when do I become a Tek addict? At what point do the thought police pass a law and hunt me down like a dog because I spent an extra hour leveling my Death Knight? There are already examples that make lawmakers sit up and take notice. A down on his luck Korean man "drank" himself to death on a cocktail of Starcraft and mocha. A Taiwanese man recently completed all of the available achievements (an impressive feat if you ask me). Games are filling a need that people have, but some can take it too far. But who are we to judge? What is the difference between the two examples above? Obviously, the man who died went to the extreme, but what is to prevent some yahoo from proposing a law to keep the second man from his accomplishments in order to prevent a theoretical death?
That is silly you say. Why would anyone want to make a billion dollar industry illegal? I'm not saying that they would, only that we as players and lovers of games should be aware of the possibilities. Take for example the largest agricultural crop of the early 1900's. This miracle plant was used for clothing, paper, rope, and a myriad of other uses. Many of our fore fathers including Washington and Jefferson grew this plant. But in the late 1930's some lawmakers got it into their heads that it could also be used by humans causing madness and death, and in 1937 hemp was outlawed. This one crop was instrumental to our early growth as a country and essentially removed from the free market by "popular" thought.
So if you see me 10 years from now on the side of the road trying to score a bit of Tek, you'll know why. Don't bogart the Warcraft man!
Think about that for a second. Using technology to live in a fantasy world is illegal.
What was a startling revelation to me was the fact that I would be on the lam as we speak, were I living in that not so distant future. What is a MMO if not a fantasy world? The more immersive that world is the more popular it becomes, and thus becomes more desirable. Gamers have used terms such as "Evercrack" or "World of Warcrack" to describe such games. Is there anything to our desire to be part of these games? Are we indeed "addicts"?
Borrowing from Wikipedia, addiction is defined as:
In medicine, an addiction is a chronic neurobiological disorder that has genetic, psychosocial, and environmental dimensions and is characterized by one of the following: the continued use of a substance despite its detrimental effects, impaired control over the use of a drug (compulsive behavior), and preoccupation with a drug's use for non-therapeutic purposes (i.e. craving the drug) Addiction is often accompanied by the presence of deviant behaviors (for instance stealing money and forging prescriptions) that are used to obtain a drug.I'm not so sure that I agree completely with the definition. I agree that an addiction is indeed a preoccupation with a substance or activity, but many such addictions have no detrimental effects and more often than not do not include deviant behavior. I believe that most people have things in their lives that are addictions. Many parents become obsessed with their children's achievements such as academics or sports. I know a lot of people (myself included) that religiously exercise and maintain a healthy lifestyle. In fact I could easily point out such behaviors in almost everyone I know.
I'm willing to step out on a limb here and state that everyone has addictive behavior. I've heard for years how some people have "additive tendencies" in their lives. I think that it is human behavior to gravitate toward something that gives them pleasure and do whatever they can to continue that pleasure. An "addiction" is simply something in ones life that is filling a need and will continue to do so until such time as something else is found to fill that need. What is love? Why do we spend our lives acquiring it, and then doing everything we can to hold on to it? Yes, my friend we are all addicts.
Anything in excess is not a good thing. Even life giving substances can kill in excess. Water, that which you can't live without can indeed kill you (more detail here). So the only thing to debate then, is how much is too much? Where does the line exist that once crossed makes your addiction detrimental to you, or others around you? Happily, I can say that there is no true answer to that, it varies from individual to individual, the variables are too complex to quantify.
So then, when do I become a Tek addict? At what point do the thought police pass a law and hunt me down like a dog because I spent an extra hour leveling my Death Knight? There are already examples that make lawmakers sit up and take notice. A down on his luck Korean man "drank" himself to death on a cocktail of Starcraft and mocha. A Taiwanese man recently completed all of the available achievements (an impressive feat if you ask me). Games are filling a need that people have, but some can take it too far. But who are we to judge? What is the difference between the two examples above? Obviously, the man who died went to the extreme, but what is to prevent some yahoo from proposing a law to keep the second man from his accomplishments in order to prevent a theoretical death?
That is silly you say. Why would anyone want to make a billion dollar industry illegal? I'm not saying that they would, only that we as players and lovers of games should be aware of the possibilities. Take for example the largest agricultural crop of the early 1900's. This miracle plant was used for clothing, paper, rope, and a myriad of other uses. Many of our fore fathers including Washington and Jefferson grew this plant. But in the late 1930's some lawmakers got it into their heads that it could also be used by humans causing madness and death, and in 1937 hemp was outlawed. This one crop was instrumental to our early growth as a country and essentially removed from the free market by "popular" thought.
So if you see me 10 years from now on the side of the road trying to score a bit of Tek, you'll know why. Don't bogart the Warcraft man!
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Tech Support!
The scene from Vanilla Sky has always stood out in my mind, where Tom Cruise is yelling at the top of his lungs for Tech Support. It always seemed poignant to me. I rarely yell for Tech Support myself. I've been working with computers since I was 12 (starting with a Commodore Vic20) and have been in the computer field for some 19 odd years. In fact, I dread ever having to talk to Tech Support at all because they ask the stupidest questions ("Is the device powered on?"). I know, I know, they HAVE to ask those questions, because most of the people calling have no clue what they are doing. Can I just have a "press 9 for the Guru" button please.
But for some reason, everyone thinks that because I know so much about computers, that I should be their personal Tech Support to call up whenever they need. Typically, its my wife who has the most problems and I'm often asked to fix the Internet whenever she has a problem. She doesn't understand, nor care that she doesn't understand, that the bulk of the issues are specific to things I can't control. Like someone else's website, internet connection, etc. But she will eventually understand that short of hacking into the Citi website, that I just won't be able to put in better messaging to help her find her way.
A friend of my wife, whom she hasn't spoken to in months called and asked for me. She shot me the jealous eye until she found out that she was calling about a computer problem. As is mostly the case, I couldn't help and she eventually went to Best Buy for help where she had to pay them money, good money. Ultimately, its not about me being an expert, its about me being free.
The most recent incident (the one that sparked this rant) came from my mother-in-law. She came to visit us back over the holidays and was confounded that her AOL didn't look the same on my computer as it did back home. Nevermind the fact that at home she has the AOL application and that she was seeing the website version on mine. That my computer is a Mac had other issues as well, but I won't go into that here. Suffice it to say that I had a very entertaining week.
Over this past weekend she called in a panic and needed my help. I dodged the phone call for hours because I instinctively knew that it would not be something that I could help with, but would be obliged to try. When I could no longer avoid the conversation, I was asked how she could solve her problem of no longer having a forward button on her email. Huh? She did say that she had done something, to some such, and that it might have done it. Ok, so just reverse your steps. Unfortunately for all of us, that wasn't going to happen. I calmly explained that there was nothing that I could do to help and that she should call AOL for support (especially since she was paying them money to do so). I still spent another 15 mins on the phone as she kept asking questions that I had no way of answering. It was at the point that she found herself inside of her Windows Control Panel that I INSISTED that she call AOL before AOL was no longer the problem. Sigh!
But just as I was sitting there being all pissy about the situation, I realized that its not just us computer geeks who get that treatment. My wife being the Chef, is always asked about how to prepare one dish or another. My dad is a carpenter and is always asked advice on how to repair something or advice on how to remodel. So it isn't just me. However I have discovered a way to keep anyone from asking my advice more than once, something that my wife and father can't do.
"So you are having problems with: INSERT PROBLEM HERE (World of Warcraft, AOL, Email, etc.)"
"Ok, hit the Windows button and hit Run. The big button on your bar at the bottom. On the left hand side. Yes, that's it. Ok, now hit Run. In the menu. Yes, that one. Ok, now type cmd. Yes, its supposed to be all black and white. Great! Now type fdisk c:\, yes, just like that. Reboot when it asks. Just press OK, you'll be fine. It's rebooting? Perfect. Ok, your problems are now solved. Have a good day."
But for some reason, everyone thinks that because I know so much about computers, that I should be their personal Tech Support to call up whenever they need. Typically, its my wife who has the most problems and I'm often asked to fix the Internet whenever she has a problem. She doesn't understand, nor care that she doesn't understand, that the bulk of the issues are specific to things I can't control. Like someone else's website, internet connection, etc. But she will eventually understand that short of hacking into the Citi website, that I just won't be able to put in better messaging to help her find her way.
A friend of my wife, whom she hasn't spoken to in months called and asked for me. She shot me the jealous eye until she found out that she was calling about a computer problem. As is mostly the case, I couldn't help and she eventually went to Best Buy for help where she had to pay them money, good money. Ultimately, its not about me being an expert, its about me being free.
The most recent incident (the one that sparked this rant) came from my mother-in-law. She came to visit us back over the holidays and was confounded that her AOL didn't look the same on my computer as it did back home. Nevermind the fact that at home she has the AOL application and that she was seeing the website version on mine. That my computer is a Mac had other issues as well, but I won't go into that here. Suffice it to say that I had a very entertaining week.
Over this past weekend she called in a panic and needed my help. I dodged the phone call for hours because I instinctively knew that it would not be something that I could help with, but would be obliged to try. When I could no longer avoid the conversation, I was asked how she could solve her problem of no longer having a forward button on her email. Huh? She did say that she had done something, to some such, and that it might have done it. Ok, so just reverse your steps. Unfortunately for all of us, that wasn't going to happen. I calmly explained that there was nothing that I could do to help and that she should call AOL for support (especially since she was paying them money to do so). I still spent another 15 mins on the phone as she kept asking questions that I had no way of answering. It was at the point that she found herself inside of her Windows Control Panel that I INSISTED that she call AOL before AOL was no longer the problem. Sigh!
But just as I was sitting there being all pissy about the situation, I realized that its not just us computer geeks who get that treatment. My wife being the Chef, is always asked about how to prepare one dish or another. My dad is a carpenter and is always asked advice on how to repair something or advice on how to remodel. So it isn't just me. However I have discovered a way to keep anyone from asking my advice more than once, something that my wife and father can't do.
"So you are having problems with: INSERT PROBLEM HERE (World of Warcraft, AOL, Email, etc.)"
"Ok, hit the Windows button and hit Run. The big button on your bar at the bottom. On the left hand side. Yes, that's it. Ok, now hit Run. In the menu. Yes, that one. Ok, now type cmd. Yes, its supposed to be all black and white. Great! Now type fdisk c:\, yes, just like that. Reboot when it asks. Just press OK, you'll be fine. It's rebooting? Perfect. Ok, your problems are now solved. Have a good day."
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
The Origin
I'm sure that many of you whom have stumbled upon my blog have wondered about the name. Tonamok? Is that Native American? African? Isn't it from a book? Isn't that a city in Wisconsin? Or that famous guy in Indonesia? No. No. No. No. And no.
The name itself came about purely by accident and was such a unique name that it has become my moniker for ever more (although someone has since hijacked it in City of Heroes and Star Trek online). So just what the hell does the name mean already?
Patience. You should know by now that I love a good story, and the telling is half the fun.
It was 1995 and I was just getting my start in life. Well not exactly. I had graduated college in 1992 after six long years of study. I had started my collegiate life at Auburn University and halfway through my degree got distracted by what I thought was love, but really just turned out to be a six year infatuation. We all do a lot for love and I followed my desire to Pensacola, Florida where the infatuation eventually ended. I finished my degree and started on my Masters. I had a great job working with the US Army Corps of Engineers making great money for a 28 yr old. Being single I found myself spending entirely too much of my hard earned cash on consumables leaving nothing to show for it once it was done. I made a decision and bought my first home.
I lived literally 10 mins from the beach and often found myself there whenever possible. I realized that something else was missing from my existence. It was in February of that year that I met Amok. She was a thing of beauty. She had wonderful curves in all the right places. And she was fast! My Seadoo SPI filled a void that I had in my life at that time. It was a cold February day when I took her out for the first time. I donned a shorty wetsuit because the water was a frigid 50 something. When I was done that first day, I knew I had to name her "Amok" because when I was with her I was "running amok". OK, so that seems a bit corny now, but at the time I thought it was clever. By the next Saturday she had her name blazoned upon her stern in purple to match her trim.
Every Friday when I would get home from work, I would quickly head to the beach with her. I would spend the weekend with her at the beach, only reluctantly packing up on Sunday evening to get her home in time to clean the salt water off of her before crashing to bed. During this time, I became a staple at the beach. Many of the regulars there began to know me and we had a PWC social caste that was all our own. My set of friends grew as well, most of them joining me throughout the weekend as we played in the crystal clear waters of the Gulf of Mexico. Many of the people around me really didn't know my name. They only knew me as Tony. Tony Amok. When yelled at me from the parking lot of the boat ramp one day, it sounded like "Ton amok". And that's when it stuck. Tonamok was born.
Fortunately, the story didn't end there.
Many things started happening in my life about that time. I didn't realize it at the time, but I was finally growing up. I went from an insecure, angry young man to a very confident and poised individual in the space of about 3 months. My closest friends at the time created a company named "Amok Brothers Communications" starting with T-shirt designs. The company quickly morphed into a web design firm that we sold off to a local ISP. I eventually took that knowledge and came to Atlanta where I've been doing website design and software development since. At the same time, I met the true love of my life and was married a year later. Now, almost 14 years later I look back with wonder during that period. If not for "Amok", I would never have met my wife, I would never have started the career that I have, and I would not have the wonderful life that I now have. All partially due to one little Seadoo.
And my "Amok" is still with me. She has a place of honor in the garage. We still take her out, although not near as much as I did that first summer. When time's got tough over the last year or so, I debated selling her to help with bills, but just couldn't fathom not having her with me.
And the name that I earned that summer with her has stayed with me all this time. If anything the older I get, the more the name fits. The name is on my car, my website, and is my primary name on any website or game out there. So should you run into me on the Dalaran server, you should at least say hi, and ask me how ole "Amok" is doing.
The name itself came about purely by accident and was such a unique name that it has become my moniker for ever more (although someone has since hijacked it in City of Heroes and Star Trek online). So just what the hell does the name mean already?
Patience. You should know by now that I love a good story, and the telling is half the fun.
It was 1995 and I was just getting my start in life. Well not exactly. I had graduated college in 1992 after six long years of study. I had started my collegiate life at Auburn University and halfway through my degree got distracted by what I thought was love, but really just turned out to be a six year infatuation. We all do a lot for love and I followed my desire to Pensacola, Florida where the infatuation eventually ended. I finished my degree and started on my Masters. I had a great job working with the US Army Corps of Engineers making great money for a 28 yr old. Being single I found myself spending entirely too much of my hard earned cash on consumables leaving nothing to show for it once it was done. I made a decision and bought my first home.
I lived literally 10 mins from the beach and often found myself there whenever possible. I realized that something else was missing from my existence. It was in February of that year that I met Amok. She was a thing of beauty. She had wonderful curves in all the right places. And she was fast! My Seadoo SPI filled a void that I had in my life at that time. It was a cold February day when I took her out for the first time. I donned a shorty wetsuit because the water was a frigid 50 something. When I was done that first day, I knew I had to name her "Amok" because when I was with her I was "running amok". OK, so that seems a bit corny now, but at the time I thought it was clever. By the next Saturday she had her name blazoned upon her stern in purple to match her trim.
Every Friday when I would get home from work, I would quickly head to the beach with her. I would spend the weekend with her at the beach, only reluctantly packing up on Sunday evening to get her home in time to clean the salt water off of her before crashing to bed. During this time, I became a staple at the beach. Many of the regulars there began to know me and we had a PWC social caste that was all our own. My set of friends grew as well, most of them joining me throughout the weekend as we played in the crystal clear waters of the Gulf of Mexico. Many of the people around me really didn't know my name. They only knew me as Tony. Tony Amok. When yelled at me from the parking lot of the boat ramp one day, it sounded like "Ton amok". And that's when it stuck. Tonamok was born.
Fortunately, the story didn't end there.
Many things started happening in my life about that time. I didn't realize it at the time, but I was finally growing up. I went from an insecure, angry young man to a very confident and poised individual in the space of about 3 months. My closest friends at the time created a company named "Amok Brothers Communications" starting with T-shirt designs. The company quickly morphed into a web design firm that we sold off to a local ISP. I eventually took that knowledge and came to Atlanta where I've been doing website design and software development since. At the same time, I met the true love of my life and was married a year later. Now, almost 14 years later I look back with wonder during that period. If not for "Amok", I would never have met my wife, I would never have started the career that I have, and I would not have the wonderful life that I now have. All partially due to one little Seadoo.
And my "Amok" is still with me. She has a place of honor in the garage. We still take her out, although not near as much as I did that first summer. When time's got tough over the last year or so, I debated selling her to help with bills, but just couldn't fathom not having her with me.
And the name that I earned that summer with her has stayed with me all this time. If anything the older I get, the more the name fits. The name is on my car, my website, and is my primary name on any website or game out there. So should you run into me on the Dalaran server, you should at least say hi, and ask me how ole "Amok" is doing.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Time for the scrapyard
It's time. My poor old car has finally reached its end. A car can be a metaphor for life. At first you are real excited about it and what you can do with it. Later it starts to drag on you and be a burden and you begin to entertain ideas about trading it in. But after a while it becomes quite comfortable and it becomes harder by the day to replace.
The auto in question isn't that old, less than 20 years. It will never make it to classic, I fear. I picked it up used and put a lot of work into it to make it run. It took a little while but eventually it purred like a new born kitten. It was fast and shiny with its new paint job and refurbished engine. But over time the restoration began to fade and wear started to show. I really didn't notice at the time. Regardless, anything broken with it, I could fix, I had done it before.
But I took some bad advice. Instead of addressing the real issues I let myself be convinced that I should replace the engine completely. It seemed like good advice. What better way to reset the car than with a new engine. Although this is a fairly straight forward mechanical procedure, I had nothing but issues with it. First, the engine, although new, wasn't completely compatible with the car. The manufacture who made the engine had taken some short cuts in the process over the years to the point where the first engine was actually in better shape than the "new" engine. It took much longer than expected to get this done. For one thing, I had to keep using the car daily and couldn't afford to not use it. This made even the simplest issue very difficult to complete. Months turned into years and I still couldn't get the car back to where it was before.
By this point, I had truly begun to hate the car. It was taking up all of my spare time, and I was making no real headway. The advice I got was no better and the only real options were to sink some serious money into it, money I didn't have, or to scrap it. For some reason I wasn't ready to scrap it. I had owned this beauty for almost 10 years and to let it go seemed wrong. Regardless, I had to do something. My family could see that I wasn't happy with it and it had begun to affect even my daily life. Absurd!
Fortunately I found a collector who had several of the same make cars who was interested in taking my baby and getting it restored back to where it was before. Unfortunately for me, I had used the car as collateral on an investment some years before. I was at the mercy of the investment group and through months of back and forth discussions just could not come to an agreement. I become more disgruntled than ever through this time and finally reached a breaking point. I really wanted the collector to have the car. It would have a good home and he said that I could come take the car for a drive when I wanted. But the investment firm wouldn't let the car go for what the collector wanted to pay. I explained to the investment firm that if the deal didn't go through that I would scrap the car. They didn't care. I'm amazed at how often people are willing to throw something away instead of getting something in return. Perhaps they think they will get a return, but not from me. Not this time.
So last night, I opened the hood to take a look at the car one last time. It had brought me a lot of pleasure but also a lot of pain. Again, a metaphor for life. But though I love it, I also hate it and its time to find something more reliable. As I closed the hood I was almost driven to tears thinking about all of the time that old car had been with me. The car is dead, long live the car.
So, should I go new and speedy, or classic restoration? Until then. I'm on the bus!
The auto in question isn't that old, less than 20 years. It will never make it to classic, I fear. I picked it up used and put a lot of work into it to make it run. It took a little while but eventually it purred like a new born kitten. It was fast and shiny with its new paint job and refurbished engine. But over time the restoration began to fade and wear started to show. I really didn't notice at the time. Regardless, anything broken with it, I could fix, I had done it before.
But I took some bad advice. Instead of addressing the real issues I let myself be convinced that I should replace the engine completely. It seemed like good advice. What better way to reset the car than with a new engine. Although this is a fairly straight forward mechanical procedure, I had nothing but issues with it. First, the engine, although new, wasn't completely compatible with the car. The manufacture who made the engine had taken some short cuts in the process over the years to the point where the first engine was actually in better shape than the "new" engine. It took much longer than expected to get this done. For one thing, I had to keep using the car daily and couldn't afford to not use it. This made even the simplest issue very difficult to complete. Months turned into years and I still couldn't get the car back to where it was before.
By this point, I had truly begun to hate the car. It was taking up all of my spare time, and I was making no real headway. The advice I got was no better and the only real options were to sink some serious money into it, money I didn't have, or to scrap it. For some reason I wasn't ready to scrap it. I had owned this beauty for almost 10 years and to let it go seemed wrong. Regardless, I had to do something. My family could see that I wasn't happy with it and it had begun to affect even my daily life. Absurd!
Fortunately I found a collector who had several of the same make cars who was interested in taking my baby and getting it restored back to where it was before. Unfortunately for me, I had used the car as collateral on an investment some years before. I was at the mercy of the investment group and through months of back and forth discussions just could not come to an agreement. I become more disgruntled than ever through this time and finally reached a breaking point. I really wanted the collector to have the car. It would have a good home and he said that I could come take the car for a drive when I wanted. But the investment firm wouldn't let the car go for what the collector wanted to pay. I explained to the investment firm that if the deal didn't go through that I would scrap the car. They didn't care. I'm amazed at how often people are willing to throw something away instead of getting something in return. Perhaps they think they will get a return, but not from me. Not this time.
So last night, I opened the hood to take a look at the car one last time. It had brought me a lot of pleasure but also a lot of pain. Again, a metaphor for life. But though I love it, I also hate it and its time to find something more reliable. As I closed the hood I was almost driven to tears thinking about all of the time that old car had been with me. The car is dead, long live the car.
So, should I go new and speedy, or classic restoration? Until then. I'm on the bus!
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Zombie Land
Have you ever taken one of those stupid tests on Facebook that judge how long you would survive in a Zombie Apocalypse? How did you do? Most people get a "You will die in the first hours.." Not me, I would survive indefinitely. I don't even like guns, but I've already been through the best training in the world to survive.... children.
Children are wonderful. They are little snapshots of you each with their own personalities and foibles, an imperfect you (not that you are so perfect mind you). Children are like copies of copies, they look a little like the original, but are different in very subtle ways. But all children are born with several minor genetic variations to allow them to survive in a harsh world.
The first mutation is Vampiric power. Even as a newborn, a child immediately starts sucking the energy from any and all adults nearby. The first few months with a newborn will almost kill an adult, virtually stealing all of their energy. Newborn parents are often hollow shells of themselves the first 6 months. Fortunately, this power wains the older a child gets.
By the time a child is 20 years old, the Vampiric power is almost completely gone and mutates into a no less devastating power called Canihavesomemoney. As the child gets older and becomes unable to siphon life force from an adult, they quickly determine that small silver and copper coins can fill the gap. As their powers continue to change, green slips of paper are needed more often until eventually the adult is free of the Vampiric power but is completely ensnared in the other.
But a child's most devastating power is that of the Zombie. The other powers tend to be subtle and most adults don't even realize that they are being affected. However, when a child victimizes an adult with their Zombie power, the adult is often left a gibbering, slobbering shell of their former self. These attacks come in two powerful forms: Incessant arguing, and Repetition.
It doesn't matter how many children are involved, however the more that participate in an argument, the more powerful the Zombie power hits. My own children conduct coordinated strikes against their parents. They marshal their forces in advance and immediately upon sitting down at the dinner table launch their attack.
"I'm sitting there"
"No, I put my drink here first"
"Did not"
"Did too"
"I'll lick your fork so that I can sit there"
And on, and on, and on, and on...
Often I've seen them uncoordinated, yet still launch an offensive and start an argument even when there is nothing to argue about.
"Oh, there is cheese on it"
"That's not cheese that egg yolks"
"I don't even have eggs"
"But it is egg yolks"
"You aren't even looking at my plate"
Adults immediately take evasive action and attempt to ignore the tendrils of power seeping into their brain. But the children slowly raise the volume of their attacks until an adult cracks (and it only takes one to crack for the Zombie power to take hold) and begins to start screaming themselves for peace and quiet. Energy transferred, attack complete.
Repition is perhaps the more powerful of attack. It starts small and low and builds to a breaking point. All children cut their proverbial teeth with the simple, "Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, MOM, MOM, MOM, MOM." This attack can be overcome with practice and an experienced adult doesn't even hear this after the first few years.
However, in my experience, I've found that really talented children learn how to overcome this by finding just the right combination of words. My children can call my name for hours and I'll never hear it, but a chorus of "I always come to work at three AM. This is when I count the sesame seeds" from my children will inevitably put me over the edge (I think Spongebob was created by Zombies to help the other little Zombie wannabe's). All of this Zombiefication eventually wears down the adults so that the other powers have an easier time.
So when the Zombies begin their final take over, I'll be ready. I've had many years of training already and can survive until the end of time. Anyone for some brains?
Children are wonderful. They are little snapshots of you each with their own personalities and foibles, an imperfect you (not that you are so perfect mind you). Children are like copies of copies, they look a little like the original, but are different in very subtle ways. But all children are born with several minor genetic variations to allow them to survive in a harsh world.
The first mutation is Vampiric power. Even as a newborn, a child immediately starts sucking the energy from any and all adults nearby. The first few months with a newborn will almost kill an adult, virtually stealing all of their energy. Newborn parents are often hollow shells of themselves the first 6 months. Fortunately, this power wains the older a child gets.
By the time a child is 20 years old, the Vampiric power is almost completely gone and mutates into a no less devastating power called Canihavesomemoney. As the child gets older and becomes unable to siphon life force from an adult, they quickly determine that small silver and copper coins can fill the gap. As their powers continue to change, green slips of paper are needed more often until eventually the adult is free of the Vampiric power but is completely ensnared in the other.
But a child's most devastating power is that of the Zombie. The other powers tend to be subtle and most adults don't even realize that they are being affected. However, when a child victimizes an adult with their Zombie power, the adult is often left a gibbering, slobbering shell of their former self. These attacks come in two powerful forms: Incessant arguing, and Repetition.
It doesn't matter how many children are involved, however the more that participate in an argument, the more powerful the Zombie power hits. My own children conduct coordinated strikes against their parents. They marshal their forces in advance and immediately upon sitting down at the dinner table launch their attack.
"I'm sitting there"
"No, I put my drink here first"
"Did not"
"Did too"
"I'll lick your fork so that I can sit there"
And on, and on, and on, and on...
Often I've seen them uncoordinated, yet still launch an offensive and start an argument even when there is nothing to argue about.
"Oh, there is cheese on it"
"That's not cheese that egg yolks"
"I don't even have eggs"
"But it is egg yolks"
"You aren't even looking at my plate"
Adults immediately take evasive action and attempt to ignore the tendrils of power seeping into their brain. But the children slowly raise the volume of their attacks until an adult cracks (and it only takes one to crack for the Zombie power to take hold) and begins to start screaming themselves for peace and quiet. Energy transferred, attack complete.
Repition is perhaps the more powerful of attack. It starts small and low and builds to a breaking point. All children cut their proverbial teeth with the simple, "Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, MOM, MOM, MOM, MOM." This attack can be overcome with practice and an experienced adult doesn't even hear this after the first few years.
However, in my experience, I've found that really talented children learn how to overcome this by finding just the right combination of words. My children can call my name for hours and I'll never hear it, but a chorus of "I always come to work at three AM. This is when I count the sesame seeds" from my children will inevitably put me over the edge (I think Spongebob was created by Zombies to help the other little Zombie wannabe's). All of this Zombiefication eventually wears down the adults so that the other powers have an easier time.
So when the Zombies begin their final take over, I'll be ready. I've had many years of training already and can survive until the end of time. Anyone for some brains?
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Life, the Universe, and Everything
Deep Thought was created to answer the ultimate question of the life, the universe, and everything. It took 7.5 million years to come up with the answer. Does anyone remember that?
Yep, that's right.
42.
I am now the answer to that ultimate question. Strangely, I don't feel like the answer. In fact I don't feel any different at all. If anything I feel like I have no hidden knowledge of anything extraordinary. I suspect that this is just a cruel joke by the late Douglas Adams.
Oh, I suppose that I do have some of the answers. Age, if nothing else, makes sure that we are never as smart as we thought we were, yet ensures that we are smarter than we think. With youth, we are consciously incompetent and thus more likely to think that we are greater than we actually are. As we get older we become unconsciously competent and thus are much greater than we actually think. If that is true, and 42 is the answer, then logically, I should now know everything, but be completely unaware of it. Oh shit, I'm Arthur Dent.
Don't get me wrong, 42 is pretty awesome. Somehow I've found myself in the best shape of my life. The last time I weighed 187 was before the freshman 15 hit me, and then I had no confidence, and no muscle tone. Such an awkward period for me. But those lessons helped shape me into the man I am today and although it pains me to look back, I'm grateful that it happened as it did.
42 is wonderful. I am surrounded by people who love me. I've received more well wishes today than most decades. Most of that was my fault. I've always been a bit of a hermit. As a child I spent a lot of time in my room reading comic books and dreaming I was somewhere else. It's nice to know that dreams can indeed come true. Funny how all my dreams had me as the dashing heroic lead, always getting the girl. I may not be exactly dashing (although my Speedo Wetsuit gets me pretty damn close), but I did get the girl.
So maybe I am the answer. Now if we can just figure out the question. I can tell you one thing, its NOT 6 by 9.
Yep, that's right.
42.
I am now the answer to that ultimate question. Strangely, I don't feel like the answer. In fact I don't feel any different at all. If anything I feel like I have no hidden knowledge of anything extraordinary. I suspect that this is just a cruel joke by the late Douglas Adams.
Oh, I suppose that I do have some of the answers. Age, if nothing else, makes sure that we are never as smart as we thought we were, yet ensures that we are smarter than we think. With youth, we are consciously incompetent and thus more likely to think that we are greater than we actually are. As we get older we become unconsciously competent and thus are much greater than we actually think. If that is true, and 42 is the answer, then logically, I should now know everything, but be completely unaware of it. Oh shit, I'm Arthur Dent.
Don't get me wrong, 42 is pretty awesome. Somehow I've found myself in the best shape of my life. The last time I weighed 187 was before the freshman 15 hit me, and then I had no confidence, and no muscle tone. Such an awkward period for me. But those lessons helped shape me into the man I am today and although it pains me to look back, I'm grateful that it happened as it did.
42 is wonderful. I am surrounded by people who love me. I've received more well wishes today than most decades. Most of that was my fault. I've always been a bit of a hermit. As a child I spent a lot of time in my room reading comic books and dreaming I was somewhere else. It's nice to know that dreams can indeed come true. Funny how all my dreams had me as the dashing heroic lead, always getting the girl. I may not be exactly dashing (although my Speedo Wetsuit gets me pretty damn close), but I did get the girl.
So maybe I am the answer. Now if we can just figure out the question. I can tell you one thing, its NOT 6 by 9.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)